Dating Games

Dating as an adult can be VERY tricky.  In my younger years I saw no real issues with dating a young man for months/years on end without talking about the future.  In my eyes I had plenty of time and a life to live before discussing marriage/kids.  At that point I was still "finding myself" and figuring out what I wanted in a relationship/significant other.

At this stage in my life I believe it is important to determine if the relationship has the potential to be a life-long bond after about 6-months of dating.  I'm not getting any younger and 9 times out of 10 neither is the guy.  Now I'm not saying after 6 months we need to start planning weddings, etc.  But after 6 months you KNOW if you want that person to continue to be in your spaces and if it's worth building a future with them.

That brings me to a conversation I had last night with a man I've been dating for about 7 months.  I'm not a fan of wasting my time and I am a fairly upfront person so I asked him a random question, in no uncertain terms about the future.  His responses shocked me a little because from the beginning I told him I am not dating just to date. 

Now I am at a place where I have to decide to cut all ties and move on or stay and see what the end may be.  Honestly, I'm not sure what I want to do.  I care for him very much, but there are aspects of our relationship that is not working.  Tonight's discussion should be intersting. 

I'm not one to play games, so I may just fold my hand and leave the table.

When should you start thinking about and/or discuss the future when dating?

Roll Tide!!!!

My Big Brother Ant

My oldest brother turned 40 on Friday, 15 Jun 12.  Not only did he reach the big 4-0, he also started his own insurance company through Farmers.  To celebrate, his wife wanted to throw him a big bash with me in attendance.

My brother and his family have lived in Alabama for seven years and I have never been to visit.  Not when my niece was born four and a half years ago or when I was two hours up the road in Atlanta.  I've just never felt the need to travel to hot, humid Alabama.   It's too slow and there would be nothing for me to do there.

My brother has complained for the last few years that everybody has been to visit except me.  Heck, my nephew has been there three times.   When he comes back home he rarely spends time with me nor does he travel up here just to see me.  My thought was "why should I waste money/leave to be bored."

My sister-in-law convinced me to fly down for this big event.  So I booked my ticket and made my way there.  My brother had NO clue I was coming to party with him.  He knew my mom and his in-laws were coming, but not me.  On the way to the house we devised a plan to get him to walk out to the car. The trap was set.

The look on my big brother's face when he saw me standing outside was PRICELESS!  Once he realized it was indeed his baby sister standing by his car he leaped in the air like the had just won the National Championship and screamed.  I just knew his neighbors were going to come outside, lol.  He was happy!  And so was I.

The next part of the surprise was to walk into my house to see my niece/God-daughter.  I walked in the house and called her name.  Like a normal 4 year old she was preoccupied and told me she was in the living room.  When I walked in the room her mouth dropped wide open and she stared at me for what seemed like 5 mins before she jumped into my arms yelling "Tee tee Bobo!"  It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I spent the next four days with my brother and his in-laws.  We laughed, argued and partied.  There were times when I thought I was going to lose my mind with 13 people in a house, but I managed to get through it for my brother.

I'm glad I made the decision to visit my brother after 7 years.  To see how much my trip meant to him meant the world too me.  There is nothing like having a big brother :-)

Workplace Attire

Since I started working with the federal government the topic of workplace attire has always interested me. Let me start by saying there is no written policy on attire or grooming standards for federal civilian employees, however there seems to be an unwritten rule on what is acceptable.....and it seems to differ based on supervisor, job location, agency, etc. 

This morning I went to drop off a report to my supervisor and she noticed my Easter themed nails. She asked me "If I was the First Lady of the United States would I wear my nails like that?" My nails are very bright this week to celebrate the holiday, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with them. She went on to say how I need to "turn the corner" and be more professional with my nails, hair, clothes, etc. Please understand my nails are always manicured and neat. My hair is natural, but I never wear an afro, twistout, etc into work.  The styles are always "professional" styles such as buns, french rolls, etc. As for my clothing I tend to wear larger pants to work because I work on a military installation and I don't like the comments/looks I receive when I wear clothes that fit.  It seems when I wear dresses or pants that fit properly most of the males comment about my legs or that I look "nice".  Hell, I've even been told "nice view!"  That is NOT the type of stuff I want to hear at work.

There are three other agencies located in my work building and it seems that each agency has a different workplace attire policy.  It's funny I can tell what agency a person works for and what side of the building he/she works on based on what they are wearing.  In the summer time the females have on booty shorts and hooker heels, as my mom likes to say.  Others have on whole suits with stockings!!!  **I know they are hot as hell!  As for my agency, depending on your division you can wear jeans, flip flops, t-shirts, etc.  As for me, I have to stay in a suit or coordinate everyday.  There are no "dress down" days for me.  Even when I come to work on my day off or a travel day I am required to be workplace attire. 

Now back to the conversation between my supervisor and I.  I wish she would explain "turn the corner".  I really feel as though how my nails are painted, my hair is style, etc has no impact on the stellar work I complete everyday.  It doesn't matter if I'm wearing a moo-moo or slacks.....afro or relaxer....bright nails or a french manicure, I'm still a subject matter expert in my field and nothing will change that.

What are your thoughts on workplace attire?

A Letter to Myself...........

A year ago to the day, my life changed drastically.  The man I was suppose to marry, live happily every after with and I broke up for good; we were on again/off again for about a year.  On 11 Jun 11, he pulled the plug and my heart stopped.  I never thought I would make it this far...here is an open letter to myself. 

Hey BoBo, 

I know you don't want to hear "you will be alright" and "your life is not over right now."  But it's the truth.  In exactly one year, you will be alright.  I know you are hurting right now, scrambling to figure out what can do to make things better between yourself and Milky Way.  The truth is, there is nothing you can do.  I know you want to talk to him, get him to understand everything that's going on and make the decision to keep working on the relationship.  But you have to realize you can't control this situation; you can't control him.  It's not in your hands and he will make his own decision based on what he believes is best for him.

In the following months you are going to cry a lot, not get enough sleep and drop a lot of weight.  Your diet will consist of Raisin Bran and veggie chips.  You will miss a lot of work and have to enter counseling.  You will long for the days when the two of you got along.  When a joke could clear the tension out of the room.  Yes, you will suffer a mild heart attack, but don't worry....you are going to be ok.  

Over the course of the year you will do a lot of soul searching and realize you have some growing to do.  You will realize the part you played in the break-up.  You will understand that you have to respect the man you want to be with.  Learn to stop being so flirtatious even though you know you don't mean it.  Through counseling, you face the demon of needing attention and you must work on a plan to overcome it.  

Visiting the house that was once your home will prove to be difficult.  Especially when you find an empty condom wrapper in the bedroom or strawberries/chocolate in the fridge.  Don't over react.  Leaving Storm behind each month will be hard, but you will enjoy spending time with her. At some point, there will be very little tension when you visit the house and you can breathe.  You and him will be able to share a smile and even a hug.  

After a year, you will still be legally bound to him because of the house.  Yes, you will have a mediation scheduled on the 1 year anniversary that won't go through because he thought it was at another time.  You will see your growth because you won't get mad. 

You will see how God protected and kept you over the year.  How you went from wanting to die to living again.  How your faith increased and you became a slightly better person because of the growing pains.  How you are able to relate to others who have been through similar situations.  Your Christian walk will be enhanced.  God will be your closest friend and you realize this is all a part of His plan for you.  

Wipe your eyes baby girl and hold your head up.  I know it hurts, but you will be ok.  I promise.  I know because I've walked this road.  Even though things aren't what you want them to be, keep trusting God and know that He will give you the desires of your heart in His time.  I love you!!

- Ebony

P.S. God's delay doesn't mean denial.  I'm still standing.

Tasting Georgetown

Old Glory Pulled BBQ 

Over the past year or so I have turned into a slight foodie.  I've been expanding my pallet at various restaurants; attempting to be more cultured, lol.  There is an annual event in Georgetown in which 30 or so restaurants allow participants to taste some of there offerings.  Proceeds from the festival help raise awarenesses and additional money to fund the homeless assistance programs of the Georgetown Ministry Center.

For a few blocks on M and Wisconsin, you can dine at the finest spots for $5 per taste.  Local eateries included food from J. Paul, Cylde's, Old Glory, Shut your Pie Hole, Degrees Bistro, Baked & Wired, Filomena Ristorante and others.  They served everything from pulled pork sliders to paella to pumpkin pie to crab sliders to roasted meatballs on baked cheese ravioli to beef sliders to cupcakes to brownies.

My Date for the Day :-)

There were so many people and some of the lines were outrageous! I really wanted to try Thunder Burger, but there was a 15 min wait.  The best item I tasted was the crab salad in a green gazpacho from Clyde's.  The crab meat was so fresh.  I also enjoyed the surf and turf sliders from J. Paul's.  I was not a fan of the cheese ravioli, although the meatball was good.  I also tried a strawberry cupcake from Baked & Wired.  It was ok, but no Wegman's, lol.  There were a boat load of folks in line for paella and I happened to sneak in a plate thanks to the date, but it wasn't great at all.  I have no idea what the hype was.  Yes, I was and am still disappointed; $5 bucks was wasted!

I ate good for $25! The atmosphere was great and my company was excellent :-)  I will attend this event from now on.  Honestly, where else can you get seafood, pasta, burgers and dessert for $25? 

Unscheduled Interruption

I'm convinced God knows what you need when you need it.  On a normal Friday evening I am rehearsing with GLE from 6:30-until.  Due to some severe weather that included faux tornadoes, bouts of hail and some serious rain, practice was postponed for a few hours.  Since I was already in the general vicinity of the studio, I decided I would stop pass Pook's, one of my closest friends, house for a while.   What was suppose to be a quick visit turned into four hours of talking, laughing, teasing and eating. 

Silly Geese

One of the first things I did was play with his iPad. Pook is an Apple junkie! I'm talking phone, TV, iPad, Mac Book, etc.  He really helps to keep Apple in business, lol.  We discussed the possibility of me purchasing an one, but being the tech junkie he is he suggested me getting a different tablet.  I'm not sure which one I will end up buying, but I will check with Mr. Gadget before I purchase.

We waited until the storm circled back to go grab some dinner from one of our favorite spots, Carolina Kitchen.  Like true black folks we braved the storm in the name of soul food.  Pook was really hungry because he got excited about eating.  It was the first time in our friendship I've ever seen him excited, lol.  Normally he plays around with his food.

Texas Pete...The Good Stuff

After dinner I realized there was going to be no rehearsal,  even though no official text was received. To keep Pook from falling asleep, we turned the conversation to my failed engagement and the subsequent issues.  I never provided him all of the details so I figured why not.  As always Pook joked about the entire situation and gave me his perspective,  which was spot on and good.  During the course of the convo I was reduced to throwing hot sauce packets at him for being so dang silly.

After such a serious discussion we decided to lighten things up a bit by watching the NBA playoffs.  Neither one one of us are fans of the teams playing, but we found humor in making fun of the players.
At some point I looked at the clock and realized time had escaped me and I needed to head home.  We chatted a bit more, said our quick goodbyes and I was on my way up the road.  Another great time with the closest was in the books.  Next up is Fogo de Chaõ, another 5k, football and who knows what else :-)  Maybe kidnapping my Storm (dog).  We are the real life Bonnie and Clyde, lol.