Real Life Racey

The past few days have been difficult for me for some odd reason.  I seem to be in a funk and I cannot figure out why.

I mean I'm blessed to have a good, government job.

A roof over my head.

My car works fine.

My family is doing well.

My body is taking shape....well it was until this funk and the munchies hit, lol

But that is a post for another time....another day!

I decided to take a couple of "mental health" days while I try to get myself together.  

While I've been home, I've been watching the youtube web-series the Unwritten Rules.  

The series is based on the book, "40 Hours and an Unwritten Rule: The Diary of a Nigger, Negro, Colored, Black, African-American Woman" by Kim Williams.  The web series examines the comedic realities of a black co-worker in a predominantly white workplace.  I think I need to pick up that book.

What's funny is all of the various scenarios they have "Racey" in, I've also found myself in those situations...except for, the "crimes" were committed mostly by older black women, lol.  

I'm not the only black female at my job, but I am the youngest black female...who happens to work in the Civil Rights office.....with the highest ranking black female in the entire organization.

Yea, that alone makes me feel like I have eyes watching my every move.  Like "Racey", older black women have asked me about my hair when I decided to go natural.  I remember when I got kinky twists, at least two of them wanted to touch them.  

I guess because I am younger, they assume I'm supposed to know what "hip" and whatnot.  I can't count the number of times my supervisor has asked about a song or a particular celebrity.  I've been asked to help pick out gifts for her younger family members. 

Don't get me wrong, my white co-workers have also asked to touch my hair or asked about the latest dance moves or wanted to taste "soul food"....sorry to say it, but I expect that from them.

 In any event, I can relate to "Racey" and all of the things she has experienced.  Not just at the hands of white people, but all races.   I'm looking forward to the next season.




  

Keep My Name Out Your Mouth, Work Edition

I wanted to begin this blog with a VERY vulgar quote, but I thought better of it because I am bigger than that.....

I'm P-I-S-S-E-D! 

This year has been very difficult for me at work.  My name has been thrown around and put in more BS than I can ever remember. Ebony said this....Ebony did that....Did you see Ebony?  Like, really???  Is this middle school?

A few months ago my old office mate told my supervisor, and others, that she believed I was going to kill myself. Like seriously.  Yes, I was in a dark place, but not that damn dark.  Her statement lead to phone calls being made to family, referrals to the EAP, and some more.  I hate being under a watchful eye.  I feel like if I am having a bad day I have to mask it because someone might think I'm depressed and make a big deal about nothing.

Fast forward to March....Someone else put my name in the middle of a formal inquiry.  Let's just say that's not a good thing.  I hate being thrown under a bus.  Just because you are in some stuff doesn't mean you have to take me down with you....I don't even know nor like you like that.  Luckily for me, my name was cleared, but that still doesn't negate the fact my name was put in it in the first place.

Last week, an older black lady commented on my work place attire.  She said the "guys" were talking about me and she felt the need to provide a mentoring moment.  Apparently these men are unable to concentrate when I wear certain articles of clothing.  My initial response was "I really don't give a damb!  Tell them to stop looking at my lady lumps!"  Then I realized she was just the messenger. 

Today, my name was mentioned to the Chief of Staff in a slew of lengthy emails between some of the directorate heads.  I'm not even sure why my name was brought up, but yea.

I'm not for ANY of this. 

I'm fearful this will affect my performance rating and thus my promotion :-( 

I've already been told my marks will be lower this year.  I'm not understanding how that determination can be made, when there is still 4 months left in the reporting period.  I really don't think that is fair.

I have career goals set up for myself and now I won't reach them within the timelimits I've set.  I don't want my name associated with anything else, so I think I'm going to stay in my office.

Out of sight, out of mind is what I'm hopping for because I don't need anyone else saying my name out of their mouth.