Ice Cube

I'm realizing I like to be in control.....of everything. 

I like to control where I go, what I do, what others do and anything else I think can control.  I guess that comes from not having a lot of control over my life as a child. 

Well today I had no control. 

In my mind I had my Sunday planned.  I was going to get up, stream church online, workout with a friend, grab some lunch, go grocery shopping, prep my meals for the week and prepare for work. 

Yea, things didn't happen that way.

I got up, streamed church and the rest of my day was totally unexpected. 

A friend and I grabbed a late breakfast, did a little grocery shopping, walked around Savage Mill, grabbed lunch, went paddle boating and walked around Laurel Lake. 

While I hate not having control, I must admit I loved the change of pace. 

Today was a good day!

 

She is NOT Her Hair

"I am not my hair, I am not this skin....I am not your expectations no, no. I am not my hair, I am not this skin.....I am a soul that lives within" - India.Irie

Every four years society is treated to the Olympic games, in which the best atheletes from around the world compete in 26 different sporting events. The Games include several ranging from basketball to water polo to fencing to swimming to vollyball (team and beach). My overall favorite is the men/women's gymnastic competition.

The sheer strenth, flexibility, and grace of the gymnists have ALWAYS amazed me. When I was a child, I would flip around in the living room trying to mimic the moves. I loved seeing women who looked like me compete on a global stage. This year we were treated to viewing the talents on Gabby Douglas. The lone African American on the female team. She wasn't highly touted like her other team members. It wasn't until she shined in the various events to help Team USA win the Gold that the media started talking about her and her story.

After she made history by being the first US woman to will the All-Around competition, the "crab in a barrel" mentality reared it's ungly head. On social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook, black women were complaining about her hair! Not that she made history and is a positive role model for young girls, but her hair.  Not that she is a God fearing teenager, but her hair. Not that she showed how hard work and sacrifice can pay off, but her hair!

I was BEYOND pissed that society wanted to take away from her shining moment. This young lady is competing against the best of the best from other countries and we show our support by discussing her hair. While she is making history, "black Twitter" was complaining that her mother should be shot for letting her go on national television in some way.

I find it funny that Gabby didn't let her "hair" get in the way of achieving her dreams. Yet, black women sit around EVERYDAY being unhealthy because they don't want to mess up their hair! Yes, their hair is fly, but there health is NOT! I salute Gabby for not entertaining the negative talk and being who God created her to be. She is NOT her hair!

Workplace Attire

Since I started working with the federal government the topic of workplace attire has always interested me. Let me start by saying there is no written policy on attire or grooming standards for federal civilian employees, however there seems to be an unwritten rule on what is acceptable.....and it seems to differ based on supervisor, job location, agency, etc. 

This morning I went to drop off a report to my supervisor and she noticed my Easter themed nails. She asked me "If I was the First Lady of the United States would I wear my nails like that?" My nails are very bright this week to celebrate the holiday, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with them. She went on to say how I need to "turn the corner" and be more professional with my nails, hair, clothes, etc. Please understand my nails are always manicured and neat. My hair is natural, but I never wear an afro, twistout, etc into work.  The styles are always "professional" styles such as buns, french rolls, etc. As for my clothing I tend to wear larger pants to work because I work on a military installation and I don't like the comments/looks I receive when I wear clothes that fit.  It seems when I wear dresses or pants that fit properly most of the males comment about my legs or that I look "nice".  Hell, I've even been told "nice view!"  That is NOT the type of stuff I want to hear at work.

There are three other agencies located in my work building and it seems that each agency has a different workplace attire policy.  It's funny I can tell what agency a person works for and what side of the building he/she works on based on what they are wearing.  In the summer time the females have on booty shorts and hooker heels, as my mom likes to say.  Others have on whole suits with stockings!!!  **I know they are hot as hell!  As for my agency, depending on your division you can wear jeans, flip flops, t-shirts, etc.  As for me, I have to stay in a suit or coordinate everyday.  There are no "dress down" days for me.  Even when I come to work on my day off or a travel day I am required to be workplace attire. 

Now back to the conversation between my supervisor and I.  I wish she would explain "turn the corner".  I really feel as though how my nails are painted, my hair is style, etc has no impact on the stellar work I complete everyday.  It doesn't matter if I'm wearing a moo-moo or slacks.....afro or relaxer....bright nails or a french manicure, I'm still a subject matter expert in my field and nothing will change that.

What are your thoughts on workplace attire?

For No Other Reason

I'm crying.  I'm emotional.  I'm hurting.  For no other reason then because I can, I'm putting my guard down and releasing things tht have been bottled up for a while.

Long Time, No Blog

So it's been a minute since I posted anything.  Yes, I've neglected blogging....about life and sports. I would love to say I've been busy at work or exploring the world, but I haven't.  Truth be told I've been dating, moving, cooking, working out, dancing, and thinking of business ideas.  Here's a quick rundown of the various areas in my life.


Dating.  I've been seeing someone semi seriously for a few months now.  We are taking things slow and that is a good thing.  We are almost exact opposites, although there are some things we have in common.  He is very different from ANYONE I have every dated, which makes this entire thing interesting.  


Moving.  I moved out of my house in Bowie to a little spot in Howard County.  Honestly, I miss my house! I miss EVERYTHING about it, especially my dog and my lil neighbor.  But hey, I had to play the cards I was dealt.  The good news is I was pre-approved to purchase another home so I am looking.  


Cooking.  One of the things I started doing after my "mini divorce" was cook.  I went from regular cooking to serious cooking.  I'm talking shrimp mac and cheese, shrimp and grits, chicken breast stuffed with crab, homemade cakes, etc.  Cooking seemed to be my therapy.  I look forward to cooking more this year. 


Working Out.  So my weight goes up and down.  It depends on the month and my taste buds.  I have trying to lean out and my goal is to drop about 10-12 pounds.  I still try to hit the gym 5 days a week.  I gotta be in tip top shape by May....birthday month.


Dancing.  I still minister with GLE, the dance ministry I joined almost two years ago.  Things are going well, but I need to take some technique classes.


Business Ideas.  I am ALL over the map with the type of business I want to open.  I love fitness so I started researching group fitness certifications.  I also love planning, so I am looking into that as well.  Some of my friends think I should open some sort of Civil Rights consulting company since I have been in that business since 2003.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do.....actually I want to do it all!


That's a quick rundown of what I've been up too.  I promise to blog more.....I actually have two saved on my computer, I just need to edit and post.  Until next time, stay blessed!

Show Me Some Respect

It’s very rare that I actually talk about politics in a public setting.  Yes, I discuss things with family and friends, but never on social media because the conversation can turn ugly.  Since I work in the civil rights arena for the federal government, I feel the need to discuss the racial slander President Obama has been receiving.   It is very shameful and all I can do is shake my head at this utter foolishness.

Rep. Doug Lamborn, a Colorado Springs Republican, was discussing debt-ceiling negotiations on 630 KHOW-AM and said, “Even if some people say, 'Well, the Republicans should have done this or should have done that,' they will hold the president responsible," Lamborn said. "Now, I don't even want to be associated with him. It's like touching a, a tar baby and you get it.  You know you're stuck, and you're part of the problem now, and you can't get away." 

Really? Tar baby!? Is that were we are now?  We are still using racial terms to describe the President of the United States?  It was my hope that people would stop directing racial slurs at our President.  Yes, he is a black man.  What’s the problem? He was elected to sit in this position.  If you don’t like him or his policies why run for Congress knowing damn well you are going to have to work with him!?

Of course Rep. Lamborn’s camp went into spin control as issued this apology, "Lamborn was attempting to tell a radio audience last week that the president's policies have created an economic quagmire for the nation and are responsible for the dismal economic conditions our country faces.  He regrets that he chose the phrase 'tar baby,' rather than the word 'quagmire.' " said the statement from Lamborn's office.

Nope, sorry….unacceptable!!Own up to what you said and apologize directly to his face.  Don’t issue a bogus apology.  The two words sound NOTHING alike.  It’s a shame that the President cannot get an ounce of respect from his political peers.  Lord knows I wish he would just have a “ninja moment” on folks one day.  I bet you they would respect him then.

Balancing Act

Jody sent me a text message saying “I can’t tell you not to be a blessing because that makes you the beautiful person you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to take people’s crap as your own when you have your own needs as well.”

We were having a conversation about input/output in relationships, whether they are friendships, companionship, family, co-workers, etc because I feel as though I am alone even though I am there for everyone else.   He was telling me he got to a point where he had to start treating people the way they treated him.  Point blank, what you put in is what you get out.  He was saying if he realizes someone is constantly taking and not giving then it is time to cut them off and in some cases stop associating with them all together.  I called it being mean, he called it preserving himself mentally and emotionally.

Sad to say, but I think I need to start being mean.  I need to start putting my needs first.  Stop caring so much about others and focus on self.  Be an asshole if needed.  But what if my need is to make sure everyone else is happy?  What am I suppose to do then?  How do I change the focus to myself?  That is a SERIOUS paradigm shift.

For the life of me I can’t figure out why I am so giving….especially to those who have done me wrong in some way, shape or form.  I am a child of God and I know the Bible says be kind to your enemies and turn the other cheek.  In my right mind I guess that is what I am doing.  I also know the Bible says to protect your heart at all times and Lord knows I don’t protect it as much as I should.  I lead with my heart.  My mind can tell me to run, but my heart will make me stay.  My heart will make me forgive, nurture, care for the sick, etc.  This characteristic, in essence, is what makes me a beautiful person personality-wise.

But it’s a gift and a curse.  Being this way also causes me as much pain as it does happiness.  The old adage is “treat people how you want to be treated.”  Well that has not worked out very well for me.  Majority of the things I do I do out of love, expecting nothing in return except to be treated with respect.  However, as of late I keep finding myself with the short end of the stick.  Perhaps people think I am “too easy” or a “push over.”  I don’t know, but that is not me.  I use the word “no” from time to time and I do give push back when needed.   However, more often than not I am accommodating. 

Jody’s comments stuck with me, along with a few others from friends on Twitter about challenges and anything worth having is hard to get.  Now my value is OUT OF THIS WORLD, yeah I’m on some cocky ish, but I know I have a lot of value.  Just because I’m sweet doesn’t mean I have low value, but maybe that is just my take.  In this world I learning I need to develop a wall, or four.  The question is how do I do it?  I've been this way for almost 30 years, smh. 

The scales are tipping against me and that has to change.  I’m carrying so much others that I am tipping over.  I need a plan and I have NO clue where to start.  I guess the first thing I need to do is put out as much as it coming in…..Other than that any suggestions on how I can change?  I need some help……PLEASE!

Dear Summer.............

I have no clue what I am going to do with the large amount of free time I have on my hands.   Unlike previous years I have no football, Auntie/nephew time, relationship, work related travel or second job to occupy my summer months.  This year it looks like it’s going to be me, myself and I.  Granted I do have school, but not really.  I’m enrolled in an independent study course and I only have one paper to write.  I also have GLE, but after our show in July there is not much scheduled.

Due to the NFL lockout I can’t read about free agent signings, OTAs, and training camps.  I can’t start talking trash and researching who I would like to draft on my fantasy football team.  Instead, I am praying an NFL CBA is reached so that at least a part of the season is saved.  Maybe I can watch the NFL Network to get my football fix.  Granted, they show old games but football is football……..Ok, no not really.  I never realized how much free time I actually spent on football until now.  Maybe I’ll just follow the CFL *sigh*

My Fatman is 10 years old going on 18. He doesn’t want to spend time with his Auntie anymore.  Now he is into swimming, riding his bike, playing with neighborhood friends and attending summer classes that are not really summer classes.  Frankly, he has no time for me.  We use to go places and have fun.  Guess it is all a part of him growing up.  Gosh I wish he was younger again.    The only time I will see him is when he needs something….clothes, shoes, money, a ride, etc.  Smh.

My dating life SUCKS!  I’ve been single for quite some time now and it doesn’t seem like my status will be changing anytime soon.  I understand it’s the summer and love connections are not made until the fall comes….everyone has to find that Winter Boo, lol.  I’m cool with not having a boyfriend, but I do want to date this summer.  Not just regular dates either….going to dinner/movies is for the birds!! I want to do something fun!!! Jet Ski at Ocean City, visit downtown DC, indoor/outdoor go karting, a trip to Kings Dominion on a nice summer day, roller skating…you get my drift.

Thanks to Congress and the budget standoff, there is not much on the horizon for work-related travel.  Last year it was Hawaii.  Year before that was Japan and Guam. Year before that was Cali and Hawaii….you see where I am going.  This year I get Norfolk and Palm Desert, CA.  Oh what joy *side eye* Granted I was visiting all of these wonderful places on the government’s dime and I was working! But I was also able to enjoy the areas I was in.  My week in Norfolk won’t be too and since I might be able to see a few friends and I plan to chill at the spa in Cali.  When life gives you lemons….add some ingredients and make cupcakes from scratch, lol. 

For years I worked between 2-3 jobs like I was part Jamaican.  I worked for the government, a bank and a community center all at the same time.  Yes, I am a real life Super Woman! *dons cape* Last year I quit the part-times jobs so I could have more free time and minister with GLE.  Joining GLE was one of the best decisions of my life, but I miss my part time jobs…..especially working at the bank.  To be honest I’ve been thinking about getting another one, I just don’t know what I want to do. 

With all this free time I guess I will continue to work out, blog, go to church and try to stay out of trouble.  When I have a lot of free time on my hands I become a member of the ninja coon society, lol.  I pray that doesn’t happen this year.

Where is My Strengthener?

And now my son's gettin’ older and older and cold/From havin’ the world on his shoulders - TuPac

That’s how I feel…..like the weight of the world is on my shoulder.  Last night I received some news from my mom about my uncle hat rocked my world.   She was on the phone crying and I was trying to calm her down.  I couldn’t start crying because it would only magnify her sadness. …I had to be strong.  When we hung up the phone I just stared aimlessly around my bedroom with a zillion thoughts running through my head and tears streaming down my face.  Why him? Was it true? Why wait 13 years? What is going to happen to him? His family? 

None the less I was talking to myself because I felt I had no one to call to tell me it would be alright.  No one to come over and allow me to cry on their shoulders while they rub my back.  After I gathered myself I started thinking why is it that the person who is always there and strong for others has no one to do the same. 

For as long as I can remember I have been there for EVERYONE! Friends, family, classmates, strangers, etc; I am always there to lend an ear, my shoulder, money…..anything that’s needed.  But when the tables were turned I was left alone.  My daddy left, I was alone.  My brother almost died after a fire incident, I was alone.  My heart was broken when my relationship fell apart, I was alone.  I was having a BAD day, I was alone.  I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 29, I was alone.  My money was a little funny, I was alone.  The list goes on and on with one main theme, me being alone. 

It’s ingrained in my nature to be there for everyone.  To not complain when things don’t go my way, to help those in need, to forgive those who hurt me and still be there in their time of need.  At times I feel like this is a BAD trait.  Like who in their right mind gives so much of themselves to other and rarely gets anything in return? Can I REALLY be THAT strong? To support myself and others on this 5 foot 4 inch, 151 pound frame?

Strength is defined as one regarded as embodying or affording force or firmness.  Using that definition, I guess I have a lot of strength despite my stature.  I’ve been doing it for so long, its second nature to me.  I’m not going to lie though, I wish just once I had somebody like me to be strong for me when I need it.   

I Smile :-)

For the first time in what feels like weeks I woke up with a smile on my face and renewed energy! It is a miracle!!!  For the past few months my life has been on a serious roller coaster; full of twists, loops, and rough riding.  I'm not sure what changed between the time I fell asleep and when I woke up, but I am grateful to God for it!  It was so funny that one of my Twitter friends noticed a change in my tweets?  Was I that bad?!? 

Well I'm attributing the change in my mood to God and no one else!!! I pray I stay this way...Back to being Blaque Rose and not Toy!  I'll have to explain the two sides of me in another post.  I gotta get back to work! 

Have a great one and remember, YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU SMILE :-)

The Coach

Ahhh, so you want to read the playbook??  Well first let me introduce you to the Coach.....me.  To sum it up, I'm simply complex. *shurg* I'm a former militray brat with roots stretching from Germany to MD.  Some say I have a slight "southern" charm, but I will let you be the judge.  I am a lover of God, family, knowledge (education), sports (football/basketball), shoes (all types), fitness, adventure and a host of other things. I believe in organized choas, which are my thoughts on any subject, at any given time.  When put to paper, you have my playbook!