Competing Scriptures

Competing Scriptures……….

I read a devotional this afternoon while eating my lunch.  The subject of the passage was trust God more and try doing things on our own less.  According to the author, you are truly surrendered if you are:

·         Following God’s lead without knowing where he’s sending you.

·         Waiting for God’s timing without knowing when it will come.

·         Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide.

·         Trusting God’s purpose without understanding the circumstances.

I’ll be honest, none of this is me.  I’m not totally surrendered per those requirements, although I thought I was.  I’ll follow God’s lead, but I want to know where I am going.  I’ll wait on God, but I do ask “how long”?  I pray for a miracle, but I want to know if God will provide it in the exact way I want it.  I trust God’s purpose for me, but dang it, I want to understand the “why” behind it all. 

The part that really hit home and had me weeping at my desk was this:

“The supreme example of self-surrender is Jesus. The night before his crucifixion, Jesus surrendered himself to God’s plan. He prayed, "Father, everything is possible for You. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want Your will, not mine.”

Jesus didn’t pray, "God, if You’re able to take away this pain, please do so." He began by affirming that God can do anything! He prayed, "God, if it is in Your best interest to remove this suffering, please do so. But if it fulfills Your purpose, that’s what I want, too."

Genuine surrender says, “Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill Your purpose and glory in my life or in another’s life, please don’t take it away!"

What!?!?!? How on earth is MY suffering going to fulfill a purpose?!?!?  Like, I know myself and others will learn from the situation, but staying in it???  Like forever, ever!?!?!?

As I’ve been going through my storms over the past two years, I have NEVER asked God to NOT take away my pain.  In fact, I pray every night that he takes it away and heals my mind, heart and body. Oh, and I wanted it taken away like last year!!!!

I’ve never thought about the fact that perhaps God is allowing me to experience this pain, guilt, hurt, embarrassment and the such to help someone else.  My thought process was that my TESTIMONY will help someone….You know, the mess that turns into a message. 

Definitely, didn’t think that this is something I will go through until my death. 

I’ve always held on to Jeremiah 9:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Going through this storm for the rest of my life is not exactly how I interpreted the words “prosper, not harm, hope and future.”  My guess is I need God’s dictionary.  Or to get on board with His will for my life and suck it up.

The scripture is right; “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts.”

My Journey to the Double Portion

As a member of the First Baptist Church of Glenarden, the theme for the year is “Moving Forward with a Double Portion” .  We are using the mentorship of Elisha and Elijah as our foundation. 

A few Sundays ago Pastor John K. Jenkins preached about the “Journey to a Double Portion.”  In short he said to get to the double portion or the Promised Land there are a few places we must go….Gilgal, Bethel, Jericho and Jordan.  He went on to explain the significance of each place.

That sermon has been with me for weeks, as I examined where I am in my journey to the double portion.  There are times when I really feel like I am wondering around in the wilderness and I will never make it to my Promised Land nor receive the double portion.  Other times I believe I am well on my way and in the will of God. 

Anyho, here is my journey thus far.

Gilgal was described as a place of circumcision, where we lose something; we are separated from our past.  As I have blogged about on many occasions, I lost a lot in 2011.  My fiancé and I broke up; I lost my home (he resides there), my dog and my purpose.  At that time I was soooo wrapped up me and what I wanted and the way I thought things should go that God got my attention by separating me from the person I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life.  He removed me from what I am guessing to be a bad situation (there were several issues in the relationship) before I actually took that walk down the aisle.  At some point, I let it go…I moved out of our shared house and started moving forward.  It was hard, but I had no choice.  

My next stop was Bethel.  Bethel is described as a place where we have an encounter with God.  We fall to our knees and communicate with him.  After the break-up and my deep bout with depression, I got into the Word of God.  I joined a prayer group, started fasting, studying…..doing everything I could to communicate with God and tell Him the matters of my heart as well as listen for His voice.   There was a time when I was fasting from a different thing each week.  I just really wanted to be as close to God as possible as I tried to heal my heart and start life again.  I started walking toward my Jericho.

Jericho is the place where as a believer I am to walk by faith and follow God’s commands, even when I don’t want too.  In the Bible, God told Joshua to tell the people to march around the city each day, for six days.  On the seventh day they were to walk around the city seven times and shout after the priest had blown the horn.  This is where I am….I’m walking by faith and not by sight.  There are some things that don’t look like they are turning out in my favor; however, I have to believe God is working out those things.  I am doing my march around the city.  Once the walls of Jericho come crashing down, I’m going to burn everything down and move on to Jordan!

In Jordan, this is where we enter the Promised Land, follow God and leave people/things behind.  Oh Lord, please get me there.  I cannot wait!

Where are you on your journey?

Check out this awesome drawing of Pastor’s sermon by @seeincolors.

 

Happy Birthday Jesus......

Today is a special day for me....Christ was born!!!!  As a Christian, this day means so much more than giving gifts and eating good food.  This was the day that God gave His only Son so my sins could be forgiven.  There is no better gift than that.

In return I give Him my heart!  I will strive to be obedient and trustworthy to His word while offering up praise and sacrifice.  I'm SO grateful to the birth of Christ....He is the only Hope I know!

Warfare of the Spiritual Nature

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. - Ephesians 6:12

There is a SERIOUS battle between good and bad….light and darkenss….right and wrong going on in my life.  I’m honest enough with myself to know that the devil, and his demons for that matter, are wrestling angels for my soul.  My issue is I can’t figure out why. 

I consider myself to be a Christian according to church standards.  I’ve confessed my sins, on several occassions, and believed in my heart that God sent His only Son who died on the cross for my sins.  I pray regularly, tithe, serve in ministry, and so forth.  Am I the “perfect” Christian? No!  I’m sure I’ve given the devil an inch and he is trying to take a mile. 

Now before I get into the struggle, let me say I do read scripture and meditate on His Word as I try to interrupt what it means to me.  I also pray daily for forgiveness, my purpose, my enemies, etc.  At times I write letters ot journal entires to God as a way of communicating with Him. 

So here’s the battle….I find that when I have nothing to do or I am laying in bed attempting to fall asleep I have both positive and negative thoughts.  Like I will have a gospel song in my head and in the blink of an eye I will begin to think about the situation with my ex.  I can be in the midst of a “mind conversation” with God and I will think about hugging/kissing a man.  I can be reading my Bible and start telling myself that I am fat, ugly, etc.  This cycle is getting on my nerves!!!

Now I have prayed SEVERAL times for God to renew my mind and heart….especially when it comes to my ex.  It’s funny because I will fine, no thoughts of him, and then all of a sudden I have a flood of thoughts concerning him.   Not the “oh I want us to get back together thoughts” but thoughts/dreams of him being evil towards me or having his new piece living in “my house”.  A few of the thoughts are about me being a “itch” towards him as well and in the next breath I tell myself that my previous thought was wrong.

 

My Grandma Moore told me a long time ago that when there is a serious battle/storm/test going on in your life that the Master, she loves calling Him that, is gettng ready to bless me big time and the devil is mad.  She also told me the closer I get to God the harder the devil fights because he wants my soul.  I also know from studying the Word that whatever the devil does, he MUST get permission from God to do it.   I also know this battle is not even about me….I’m just the middle man.

I’m tired of being the middle man, but when I gave my life to Christ I agreed to be used by Him.  This battle is intensifying and all I can do is  continue to take the negative thoughts captive as they come.  Lord, can You please hurry up and win this war???

The Poet.....................

While cleaning out a laptop bag for a friend to use on an upcoming business trip I found a crumpled up piece of paper.  Instead of throwing it away, I opened it to find a poem I wrote over 7 years ago.  I think I have wrote maybe two other pieces since that time.  One for my ex fiance and I can't remember the other. 

It's funny because I remember writing it and what I was going through just by looking it the title.  Someone was asking me why I continued to be nice and positive despite the cards I've been dealt in life. 

Like Jesus

What if Jesus gave up and let His heart turn hard?

Turned His back on the world and was never scarred. 

Never played the cards He was given, 

So the sins of the world could be forgiven.

What if when on Calvary He got down off the cross?

Mumbled to Himself, "Forget the world, let them stay loss!"

Took the nails out His hands and ankles.  Tossed the thorns off His head-

Never dying so He could become what the church calls the "bread".

What if He never preached the Word?

Never letting God's truth be heard. 

Leaving us on earth to fend for ourselves,

While looking down from heaven while we sit on the Devil's shelf.

What if He left me to go through life's storms alone?

Never listening to my prayers and groans.

Turning a deaf ear as I cry out in pain;

Leaving me alone soaking in rain. 

But He didn't!

I do what I do because I prayed to be more like Him!

In the book of Matthew, chapter 5 it says don't let your light shine dim. 

If they persecuted Jesus then they will surely persecute me. 

He though He gave up His life so we all could be free. 

I do what I do because I'm made in His image.

I'm here to play in the game, not just the scrimmage. 

True, at times I set myself up to fail. 

But I know when He comes for His bride, the church I will be wearing a veil.

I do what I do because I am pure at heart.

I've been that way since the very start!

I will complete my purpose given to me by the Son;

So on judgement day He will say to me "Well done!" ©

*snaps finger*

At the bottom was a note to my former Pastor asking could the work be published in the monthly paper.....it was. 

Happy Bornday to Me!

Today I am 31 years old!  It was my goal to write a letter to my younger self, but it didn't pan out the way I would like.  I've been so busy this week with work, training, cleaning, dancing and other things that I just didn't find the time to do it.  *shrugs* Perhaps I will give it a go when my life slows down a little.  I don't want to rush it, as it will be very personal. 

I've learned a lot since my 30th birthday.  In the last 365 days I’ve witnessed tremendous strength, wisdom and growth.  The past year has been filled with growing pains, but thanks to God’s grace I made it.  I didn’t drown in the storms even when I wanted too.  Heck, there were times when I jumped in the ocean with no life jacket, but I’m still standing!!!  This birthday is a testimony.  I've lost some things, but I also gained some things.  My outlook has changed and I am growing.  There is no greater gift than growth and positive change.  God knows what He is doing. 

I’m looking forward to what 31 has to offer, as long as it’s better than what 30 gave me, lol.  Today alone has been wonderful.  The outpouring of love from family, friends, social media buddies and co-workers has made my day in ways they will never know.  As for my goals this year I have plans to take some trips, become certified in fitness and purchase a second home before my 32^nd birthday.  I’m really sitting here shaking my head with tears in my eyes because God is so good!  I’m SO excited for my future. 

Happy bornday to me! *dances around*

Oh yea, I'll lose these last 10 pounds this year...Lol.  #Team150PoundsOrLess

*****Update***** My birthday was incredible! Despite not having all of the events that normally accompany my day like past celebrations, I enjoyed EVERY piece of it. From a late breakfast to being in bed by 11:30. I was able to volunteer at Shepperd's Cove and hopefully impact the life of someone. I'm really growing up :-)

Making the Band......Christian Edition

Almost two years ago I joined a Christian dance company, Get Lifted Ensemble, started by a young woman I went to undergrad with at High Point University. Every Friday I come together with six strong women of God to prepare to minister through dance.  On a typical day we study the Bible, stretch and dance. 

I'll be honest, when I first joined the group I was a baby in my Christian walk.  Although I had been saved for many years, I was still a baby.  My prayer life was non-existent, I didn't attend church service on a regular basis and I was not a part of any ministry.  I felt a little intimidated being around such strong women of faith.  I mean some of them and quote scripture left and right.  Others could speak in tongue and all of them were gifted with the power of prayer and dance. 

Being around my sisters has helped me grow as a Christian and as a women.  We encourage each other in times of need.  They hold me accountable for my actions and I know I can call on ANY of them if I need prayer in the middle of the night.  Heck, they even make house calls!!!!  I've grown so much in my Christian walk and I thank God for allowing me to be a part of this ministry.  My prayer life is so much stronger and I even joined a new church.  S/O to the First Baptist Church of Glenarden :-)  I've finally found a ministry and a group of women that accept me for who I am.

A few weeks ago our Creative Director decided she wanted us to shoot a video to Mary Mary's "Sitting with Me" off of their Something Big  album.  We did this on a gloomy Saturday morning.  We had no idea what to expect, but check this out!

GLE: Sitting With Me

How AWESOME was that?!?!?!?  Yea, God is Good!!!! 

I'm so thankful for Making the Band :-)

Heart to Heart.....FBCG Women's Retreat

This past week, Wednesday thru Friday, I attended the Sisters For Your Journey's Annual Women's Retreat held at the Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Resort and Spa in Cambridge, MD.  Sisters for Your Journey is a group of First Ladies from various churches along the east coast who come together to celebrate sisterhood and Christ.  My home church, First Baptist Church of Glenarden, is a major sponsor of the event. 

I've wanted to attend this retreat for the last few years, as I have been told by other female church members it is an AWESOME experience.  This year I had the money and the time to attend, so I did.  The theme for this year's retreat was Heart to Heart.  Sessions focused on having a heart for God, you, your marriage, child, etc.  Guests included Dr. Lois Evans, the first president of the Global Pastors' Wives Network; Rev. Dr. Debora C. Hooper; Recording Artist Maurette Brown Clark; BET's Sunday Best winner Y’Anna Crawley and others.

On Wednesday night Dr. Evans spoke on having a heart for God.  She asked the question, "Are You A Martha or A Mary?" using Luke 10:38-42 as her foundation.  In the scripture Martha is worried about making sure everything is in order after Jesus and the disciples stop by unannounced.*  Mary, on the other hand is worried about nothing more than worshipping Jesus.  Dr. Evans wanted us to understand the importance of worshipping Jesus even when we are busy.  She wanted us to know the importance of having fellowship with Him daily.  She told the story of her 82 year-old mother who to this day keeps her "appointment" with Jesus every morning.  It doesn't matter what's going on around her, she still makes the time to fellowship with Jesus daily.  Honestly, I am a Martha, but I'm striving to be like Mary.

There were a number of morning sessions offered on Thursday.  I chose to attend a session on "The Battlefield of the Mind" and "Going through the Seasons of Life".  The session on the mind basically took some of the point from the bestselling book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer.  We reviewed some scripture about why the mind is so important on our Christian walk.  The speaker, whose name I can't recall, made a profound statement.  She said the battle is between the Lord and Satan, we are just the middle man.  All we need to do is stay out of it.  When thoughts come, hold them captive....cast them down.  Hide God's word in our heart.  All stuff I knew, but it was nice to hear it again.  The "Going through the Seasons of Life" was very boring.  I believe because the presenter focused on her current season of going from 48 to 49.  She didn't provide much scripture besides Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 which says there is a season for everything.  I decided I will be reading the Battlefield of the Mind in the coming weeks.  Mr. CT said he would read it with me as well *insert school girl giggle*

Thursday night was fun! First we were treated to the wonder voice of Y'Anna Crawley!  She sang several songs from her album and told her story.  She has a voice from the heavens.  She sounds better in person!  She tore the house down and I was singing every song.  Then we were treated to the teachings of Rev. Dr. Hooper from New York.  This woman was AWESOME!!!! She told it like it WAS!  Following the theme of heart to heart, she opened her sermon with detailing the symptoms about heart attacks and how they are caused.  As I was sitting to my sit I was wondering where she was going.  Then she used Genesis 21:8-21 as the scripture reading, focusing on verse 17 when God asked Hagar what was ailing her.  She started asking us what was ailing us.  She wanted to get to the heart of the matter.  She was rattling off questions about the past that many women have been through and the crowd was on its feet.  She wanted to know if we were mad because we allowed a married man to take us home, "bump us real good" and then leave us? Or if we were mad that we were 50 and still single? Or if we were mad that she was preaching and we were not? She had women in tears....including me!  She ended with verse 19 where God provided a well of water for Hagar and her son.  She wanted to remind us of God's provision even when we are mad at God!!!! *Insert praise shout* After the sermon there were a list of activities (line dancing, game night and a movie) we could choose from.  Of course I chose line dancing! Yes, the First Ladies, pastors, choir members, etc were in a room doing the Wobble, Cupid Shuffle, etc.  It was a blast!!!!!

Friday concluded with two break-out sessions, one for singles and another for those who are married.  It was funny to see the married women trying to sneak into the single's session because Dr. Hooper was leading our session.  She was THAT good the night before.   Dr. Hooper wanted us to know the happiness in our singlehood and 15 tips to Christian dating.  She gave us two catchy phrases...."You date to get data!" and "Keep it on lock until you get the rock!" Lol!  Here are all 15 tips.

1. You date to get data! (Important information)
2. Date someone who accepts you as you are! If not looking at other women now, he will be looking later.
3. Your body, home, and money requires another level of commitment. "Keep it on lock, until you get the rock!"
4. Keep your relationship spiritual. Be involved w/ a Christian man.
5. Know your deal breakers upfront
6. A man after God's heart, will be a man after your heart bc you serve God.
7. Don't hold on to relationships that are over, let go!
8. Pregnancy links you to the drama of another adult for the rest of your life.
9. The first stage of dating is friendship. If you skip that step you have nowhere else to go.
10. Acting like a spouse before time only turns you off when its time.
11. Don't fall in love...walk into it with your eyes wide open.
12. Say you are waiting for God to bring your mate.....put that power in your hand.
13. Christians don't date too long...it's too complex.....if you are doing it the Christian way. God will let you know if he is right sooner than later.
14. If a relationship is stressful.....LEAVE! Sickness/obesity can stem from a stressful relationship.
15. Anybody you have to hide is more reason why you don't need to be with him.

All in all I had a great time!  It was good to be around so many strong women of God.  Best of all I got to room with on mf my GLE sisters DaKia.  I had no idea she was that random.  We did Zumba together, talked about what we learned and just had a great time.  I am looking forward to attending next year :-) God bless!

Could've Been Worse

A few days a week I hit up the gym for a quick workout since I am trying to be healthy and lose some weight.  Today was my first lunch workout of the week due to my workload and some other things.  I absolutely have to work out to music.  There is NO way I can get through a workout without any music or sound for that matter.  As always my iPod is on shuffle and plays every song in my library.  While I was on the elliptical Lyfe Jenning’s “Could’ve Been Worse” blasted through my earphones.  Now normally I just listen o the beats of the song and continue to work out.  For some reason today I actually listened to the lyrics and started to reflect on the things that have happened in my life and how they could’ve been worse.

The course of the songs goes:

And he said remember when you were sick and you got better, remember I put your family back together, remember I could have cut you off forever.
So no matter how bad you think it hurts.

It could've been worse, you could've been dead.
You could've been paralyzed, confined to a bed.
You could've lost everything, you should've lost everything.
But somebody’s watching you, and gave you another chance.

The words got me thinking about my life and my walk with God.  My life thus far has not been the best and surely not the worse.  I’ve been blessed to see 30 years on this earth and I have experienced the joys, pains, ups and downs of life.  God has blessed me with loving family/friends, employment, nice home, working vehicle, education, clothes, food ------ you get where I’m going. Granted He has also allowed me to experience mental/physical/emotional pain, low self-esteem, rape, illness, abandonment and some other things but as Lyfe sings, it could’ve been worse. 

He could’ve ended my story when I attempted to overdose on prescription meds or He could’ve let my cancer go undetected by my doctor or He could’ve let me fall off that bridge overseas.  There are so many things that could’ve happen, but God didn’t let it. The Bible says “I will never leave you nor forsake you…”  And in 30 years He hasn’t. 

I’m a walking testament to God’s love for those who call on His name and accept Him as his/she personal savior.  In my life I have been down, but NEVER out.  He has been there for me even when I didn’t want Him to be.  When I wanted to wallow in my pain and die He didn’t leave me.  He put angels around me to ensure I didn’t end the works He started in me when I first became saved as a child.  What an AWESOME God I serve. 

Lyfe goes on to sing:

You only got to God to complain but have you ever went to Him to just say thanks.

As I’ve grown closer to God I realize the importance of saying thank you to someone who does things He doesn’t have too.  I’m thankful to Him for my trails, my successes, happy times and sad times.  I know He is using these things to make me a stronger person in Christ and fully trust in Him.  I have a long way to go until I become the woman He wants me to be and at times its hard but I always remember it could’ve been worse. Thanks J.C.!!!!