There is a SERIOUS battle between good and bad….light and
darkenss….right and wrong going on in my life.
I’m honest enough with myself to know that the devil, and his demons for
that matter, are wrestling angels for my soul.
My issue is I can’t figure out why.
I consider myself to be a Christian according to church
standards. I’ve confessed my sins, on
several occassions, and believed in my heart that God sent His only Son who
died on the cross for my sins. I pray
regularly, tithe, serve in ministry, and so forth. Am I the “perfect” Christian? No! I’m sure I’ve given the devil an inch and he
is trying to take a mile.
Now before I get into the struggle, let me say I do read
scripture and meditate on His Word as I try to interrupt what it means to me. I also pray daily for forgiveness, my
purpose, my enemies, etc. At times I
write letters ot journal entires to God as a way of communicating with Him.
So here’s the battle….I find that when I have nothing to do
or I am laying in bed attempting to fall asleep I have both positive and
negative thoughts. Like I will have a
gospel song in my head and in the blink of an eye I will begin to think about
the situation with my ex. I can be in
the midst of a “mind conversation” with God and I will think about
hugging/kissing a man. I can be reading
my Bible and start telling myself that I am fat, ugly, etc. This cycle is getting on my nerves!!!
Now I have prayed SEVERAL times for God to renew my mind and
heart….especially when it comes to my ex.
It’s funny because I will fine, no thoughts of him, and then all of a
sudden I have a flood of thoughts concerning him. Not the “oh I want us to get back together
thoughts” but thoughts/dreams of him being evil towards me or having his new
piece living in “my house”. A few of the
thoughts are about me being a “itch” towards him as well and in the next breath
I tell myself that my previous thought was wrong.
My Grandma Moore told me a long time ago that when there is
a serious battle/storm/test going on in your life that the Master, she loves
calling Him that, is gettng ready to bless me big time and the devil is
mad. She also told me the closer I get
to God the harder the devil fights because he wants my soul. I also know from studying the Word that
whatever the devil does, he MUST get permission from God to do it. I also know this battle is not even about
me….I’m just the middle man.
I’m tired of being the middle man, but when I gave my life
to Christ I agreed to be used by Him.
This battle is intensifying and all I can do is continue to take the negative thoughts
captive as they come. Lord, can You
please hurry up and win this war???
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