I Want

The other day a friend of mind posted a blog which included a beautiful quote from Bob Marley.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

This is what I want in my next relationship.  This is the love I want to build from the ground up. 

I want to create life long memories with the one person who is my lover, friend and confidant.  

I want to bask in his radiant smile.

I want to submerge myself in the depth of his knowledge.

I want to push him as he chases his dreams.

I want to be intoxicated by the smell of his skin.

I want to share in his disappointments.

I want to feel his heart beat as I lay against his chest.

I want it all.............................................................................

I've Been Gone for a Minute.....

Guess who's back????

So let me start by saying Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!!!!  

Yea, didn't realize I had been gone for so long.....my bad :-( 

Well a lot has happened since my last post in September.  Let's see.....I purchased a house, had a relationship, found out my ex fiance was getting married, and have been spending a lot of time alone. 

Things have not been "bad" by any stretch of the imagination.  I've had the normal go-throughs and still learning how to navigate this thing called life.  

There are times when I enjoy having my own space and others when I just want someone around.  Yes, I've done a little of crying because I've felt lonely, but hey......that's what happens....such as life. 

Work is going well, although I've missed at least one day a week this month due to being sick, the snow and my heating system going bad.  

I'm still working out and trying to get the shape of my dreams, lol.  I was actually approached by the local gym manager and some lady who saw me working out about teaching a class.  I really need to stop procrastinating and get my certification.

Ummmm, yea.....I have much to say and nothing to say at all.

In any event I will promise to do better and posting.

Until next time.....<3 ya!

A Summer to Remember

Wow!!!  This summer has been one heck of a ride for me.  This is the first time in years that I have been able to enjoy my entire summer. 

Let’s see……..

I was able to be Super Auntie to my babies, my niece and nephew, for about two weeks in June.  I had an amazing time with my bundles of joy.  There is nothing better than being an Auntie.  We worked-out, watched movies, played at the park, took field trips and cooked “kid” foods.  

There were days when I would come home feeling defeated from work or personal issues, but they always found a way to cheer me up.  My niece would tell me I was THE best Auntie Bobo in the world.  My nephew would cook me a healthy dinner, while him and my niece ate “junk”.  There were mornings when I would wake up to find them asleep on my bedroom floor.

I love them to pieces. 

My “love life” kinda picked up a little bit as well.  At the suggestion of a friend, I joined a dating website and met some interesting men.  Although none of them turned into a “boo thang”, I was able to hang out with different people and enjoy their company.  There were a few that stuck out and we managed to make it past two dates, lol. 

On-line dating also helped me learn more about myself and what I wanted out of a mate.  NC challenged my spoiledness.  He would really tell me “no” when I wanted something; it didn’t matter what it was.  DCPD pushed me to try new things and venture into DC a little more.  Since he worked late hours he would often invite me out to the DC night spots, which was cool because now I know some chill spots to visit. Taz reminded me the importance of being emotionally stable. 

While I didn’t do any personal travel, my workcation in Hawaii allowed me to relax when it was quitting time.  After a long’s day work, I would walk along the beach as the sun was setting.  Since there was a 6 hour time difference, I was able to spend a lot of time with myself and reflect on some things.  I overcame my fear of heights and climbed Diamond Head volcano.   

I accomplished my goal of running a 5K every month this summer.  I started run season with Pook at the Marine Corps Vet 5K in Baltimore in May.  In June, I ran with a high school friend at a local church 5k.  In July, I participated in an obstacle 5K with one of my closest friends and her co-workers in.  That thing was soooo much fun because not only were there obstacles, but also mud!  In August, I ran around Waikiki while on my workcation.  I have a few more races to participate in until November when I hang up my running shoes. 

I also played a little basketball, went bowling, started back dancing with GLE, and hit a couple of night spots for some dancing.

The house hunt was on-going and although they started looking alike, I learned what I need to pay attention too while looking.  I was able to place an offer on a lovely town home in PG County in August, so we will see how that turns out.

The summer was fun and I am ready to see what fall has in store J

Black Twitter Saves My Day

I'm SO tired of hearing about Miley Cyrus and her twerking at the VMAs.   As bad as the performance was, PLEASE let her live!!!!

What I find funny is that twerking has been around for decades, but is now considered a global phenomenon.  It is so mainsteam that ABC decided to do a special report about it.  

Well twitter decided to create a #ABCReports hashtag and here are the top tweets.

I hollered while reading this foolishness.  I needed the hearty laugh. 

Slow Down

Sometimes you gotta be still...take some time to clear your space. 

                                                                                            - India.Arie

I am constantly on the move. From the time I awaken each morning until I finally close my eyes to go to sleep, my mind and body is constantly on the go.   I head into the office, visit co-workers, handle complaints and take care of whatever else I need to do.  Once I clock out, I hot tail it to the gym because U feel like I HAVE to workout daily.  After my hour and a half to two hour workout, I go run errands.  I can go anywhere from the grocery store to the mall.  Once home, I cook, clean, shower and prepare for the next day.   By the time I lay myself down my mind, body and spirit is beat; but still running a mile a minute.

I rarely take time out for myself, for self care.  I don't stop and smell the roses...tend to my own garden because I'm too worried tending to others.  Removing their weeds, soothing their wounds, teaching them a new lesson.  

A few weeks ago a good Twitter friend sent me a text asking if I was still running myself into the ground. I chuckled at his question because I hadn't spoken with him in months, however, from our previous brief conversations,  he knows me.   A couple of days later, this same Twitter friend tweeted something along the lines of "Slow down before you kill yourself."  Feeling guilty I tweeted him back and told him to @ me next time.

  

Yes, I know I need to tend to my own emotional, physical, and physical needs, but I'm too busy being SuperWoman.  I feel the need to save the world, then I'll tend to myself.   I honestly don't know how to tend to my own needs......and that's sad.  

I'm so busy trying to run from my past that I fail to live in the present and unintentionally disrupt my future.   Perhaps I'm waiting for someone else to tend to my needs.  Someone to make me a priority.  What's stupid about that thought process is if EYE (misspelled on purpose) don't make myself a priority, then how can I expect someone else to do so.  

My new goal is to remove my cape and tend to the wounds I've ignored for years.  If I'm needed I'll still put on my vest with the "S" on my chest....but only AFTER I tend to myself.  A broken person can't be much help to another broken person.

Sleep

My mother loves to tell stories.

There is not a week that goes by where she doesn't remember something I did as a child.  Her eyes shine as she replays my foolishness in her head.  

One of the stories that she often tells me as I crawl in her bed is when she stopped letting me sleep in her room. 

I had to be about 7 or 8 and she had had enough.  I slept wild and would often kick her out of the bed.  She kept warning me that she was going to lock me out, but I didn't believe her.

Well one day it happened, she locked me out.  According to her I cried and eventually took residence in front of her bedroom door.  I did this for weeks.  

I just hated sleeping alone.....

One of the things I love about being in a relationship is being held while we sleep.  

When I'm asleep, I tend to let my guard down.....take off my Superwoman cape and be a woman.  I'm able to express my deepest fears without saying a word.

I feel protected.....wanted........needed........loved........free

I miss that feeling.

The Weight Is Up

**This is a frustration post**

I'm slowly losing my mind because I'm damn sure not losing any weight.  For the past year my weight has stayed between 157-163 lbs.  That may not sound like a lot, but it FEELS like a lot.  

My clothes are tighter.  

My legs have more jiggle.  

My shoulders are wider.  

I am fatter.

What frustrates me is that I work out A LOT! I am in the gym 5-7 days a week for at least an hour and a half.  Hell, yesterday I put in 2 hours and 43 mins between cardio and lifting weights.  

My eating is not the best....I have a sweet tooth.  But between all the time I spend in the gym I should at least lose a pound or two a month.  

This is insane!!!!

I know folks that workout, but drink and eat whatever they want, but somehow still manage to drop weight.  

I'm tempted to visit a plastic surgeon or find some weight loss meds.  I've been against it, but damn it, I'm tired of killing myself and eating like a bird.  

I want to be fit. 

I want to wear a size 6.

I want to feel smaller.

I want to be happy when I look in the mirror.

Kayne's workout plan is NOT working!