Gift and a Curse

I love being a mentor. 

I love feeling like I am helping a young person navigate through this crazy world.

I love that they confide in me.....Or at least use too.

I currently find myself between a rock and a hard place.  Somewhere over the past few months my mentees' mother has become my mentor and I don't think they like it.

Their mother is 15 years older than I and we really interact like older/younger sister, although I affectionately call her "Madre S".  Over the past few months, she has provided me sound advice as I go through life storms.  We workout together, cook and shop each other's closets. I can talk to her in a way I can't talk to my mother or even some of my friends.  She really provides me with a wealth of wisdom.

I get the feeling the youngest Mini Me doesn't like this new relationship because I'm taking her mom away and her mom is taking her mentor away.  Or maybe it's because when I am around I divide my time between talking to her mom and talking to her. 

I'm not really sure what to do.  I will ALWAYS be there for both of the Mini Mes and help them when I can.  The new relationship between their mom and I can actually work in their favor. 

Since their mom and I are so close she has asked for my opinion on several subjects concerning them.  Mom tells them "no" on something, perhaps I can help persuade her to say "yes" or think about it.  I can also help them see her point if she comes down hard on them.  I'm like the third party neutral. 

In any event, I love my new family and I thank God for all of them.  Hopefully Mini Me 1 and 2 will learn to accept the new relationship as we all grow together.   

I got READ Hunny!!!!

If any of you watched the Real Housewives of Atlanta this season then you will understand my next statement…..I got READ by an ex-boyfriend over the weekend.  The funny thing about it is that he didn’t say it too me, I read it myself via email.

Here is a little back story.  We dated off and on for 4 ½ years from 2001-2005.  I will admit he was my first love.   We were friends….with benefits….before we entered into a committed relationship.  After I graduate from HPU and returned home, we broke up.  I can’t do LD relationships although I still loved him.  After the break-up we stayed friends and would joke about getting back together even though we both were dating other people.  In June 2011, he requested that I not contact him anymore because he felt I was not being completely honest with him.

Every now again I will have dreams of people, both male and female, that I have not communicated with in a long time.  When that happens, I reach out to that person via email/text to make sure everything is ok.  The communication is not the typical “you’re on my mind” type of thing.  It’s more like “I had a strange dream and I pray all is well with you and yours.” 

So about 4 weeks ago I had a dream about said ex and sent an email with a statement similar to the comment above.  He didn’t respond and I didn’t expect him too, nor did I say "please let me know you are alright.”

Well yesterday as I was chilling with my best friend, Happy Bornday Angel, I got an email alert on my phone.  Like any “phone rat” I check it and it is from him.  Talk about SHOCKED!!!!

In this email he informs me that he is indeed in good spirits, but a little heavy-hearted because of the recent loss of his father.   He then goes on to lay out a bunch of anger and forgiveness he has been holding in for the past 2 years.  When I tell you he READ me, he READ me! 

In so many words he called me a coward and hoped I never put anyone in the situation that he found himself in…..there is a lot of history between us that is too much to explain in this blog.  He also apologized for his own actions, which beget my actions. 

The funny thing about being READ, is that he was so right.  At the time, I was so selfish that I did not see what I was doing to those who cared for me.   I’m not mad at what he said, although I started a mini rant with the BFF about his actions. 

I’m very glad that he was able to share his feelings and we both grew from the experience.  I will continue to honor his wishes and not contact him unless I’m told to do so by the Holy Spirit.  I’m of the belief that I had to dream so that I could reach out to him and pray for him in his time of need. 

That email provided the closure that was needed and hopefully we both find the honest, true, real, unconditional love we failed to cultivate for ourselves.