I Love You

A few days ago I experienced death first hand when I watched the mother of my best friend transcend to be with our heavenly father.  Sitting in her room, watching the machines document her heart rate, pump air into her lungs, and fill her veins with various medications in the hopes of saving her life was enlighting.  I actually understood what people mean when they say “tomorrow is not promised”.  Mrs. Ashton was her fun loving self just days ago.  She seemed to do whatever it was she wanted to and lived life to the fullest.  Fry chicken at 2am? Sure.  Spend time with her daughter shopping? Sure.  Asking Angel how I was doing? Sure.  Travel to Rock Hill to visit old friends and family? Sure.  She did everything she wanted to and it is my belief that she did it without regret.

I also witnessed true strength.  Angel was STRONG! If there is another word to better describe how she is handling this ordeal then use it.  She sat by her mother’s bed side everyday…talking to her…singing to her…and when she was deemed officialy dead, she painted her mom’s nails like she had done a week or so ago.  She answered every question the hosptial staff asked, made decisions about organ donations, when to take her mother off life support and comforted her family.  She kept flashing her bright smile amist all the sadness.  Hell, she even asked me if I was going to be ok and let me know WE will get through this.  She shed some tears, like any child would do, but she exhibited true strength.  I pray that I have half of her strength if I am ever faced with a similar situation.

Since Friday I have been wanting to find a way to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me.  Granted I could call and probally should, but right now I can’t bring myself to do it.  I’m on a journey to Ebonyville for a while…..a lot has gone on in the past week and I need a vacation.  I figured I will use this blog to express my feelings because these words will last longer than any phone call.

Mommy, Daddy #1,Daddy #2, Andre, Lamont, Rechard, Tuna, Fatman, Michelle, Tyler, Grandma Moore, Grand dad, Grandma Sandra, God Mommie, God Daddie, Bop-T, Whit Whit, Angelina, Aunts/Uncles (too many to list, lol), cousins (too many to name),  Angel, Nicole, Chrisna, Sarah, Ms. Marshall, PC, James, Brandy, Kendria, and my GLE sisters I want you all to know I love you guys very much.  We have been through a lot and you have each impacted my life.  Tomorrow is not promised, but I promise to love you all forever!

My Physical Transformation

I posted a comparison picture of myself of Facebook a few weeks ago and I noticed a lot of "friends" are sending me FB messages asking what I did to lose weight.  A lot of people who have known me since high school don't really recognize me on the street anymore because I lost so much weight, 75 pounds to be exact.


Now I have always been a "chunky" girl.  Since birth I've had thick legs, hips, etc.  As my Mommy likes to say I have a lot of Calhoun (My dad's side of the family were ALL the women have small waists, thick legs/hips) running through me.  It's funny because I can't recall any of my cousins having a weight issue.  During my childhood years I was teased because of my size.  I mean I WAS wearing adult-sized clothes by the time I reached 7th or 8th grade.  By that time I weighed in close to 160lbs!

I remember in high school people coming to the football games to see the "big girl" on the squad.  Although I had weight to me I could still move....my jumps were good, minus my Russian :-(  It really hurt me that I was still being teased about my weight in high school.  After my second year of cheer leading I quit.  I was tired of the jokes and the skirts were VERY short on me.  When I graduated high school I was well on my way to weighing 200lbs.  I ate what I wanted and the only exercise I got was through dancing on the weekends when I went clubbing.

I went to college wearing a size 18 and didn't think much about it.  Yea, everyone around me was small but I didn't give a damn.  I continued to eat what I wanted and hot much I wanted. Secretly, I wanted to be smaller but I had no idea where to begin.  I was still being teased and after a while I just stayed to myself.  I would hang with a few people, but I didn't go out in public.  By the end of my junior year I was about 227lbs and wearing a size 24!!!!


I went home for the summer and noticed my mom had lost a considerable amount of weight.  She told me she started kickboxing at this place called Top Shape Fitness and I should take a class with her.  I wasn't feeling it, but because it was my mommy I went.  Top Shape kicked my arse that first day!  George was HARD.  He   called me out when I wasn't doing the moves.  I only lasted about 35 mins before I quit.  My mom kept encouraging me to go, so I did.


One day after class the owner, George, pulled me aside and asked me what my goals were.  I explained I needed to lose weight but I thought I was going to be big forever.  He told me to stick with it and gave me some healthy eating tips.  I looked at that sheet with the "Ninja, you tripping" face.  He told me to change my eating habits and take some more classes so by the time I start my senior year of college I would be 15-20lbs lighter.  I did what he said and I got results!  It was funny to see the faces of classmates who picked on me.

Since that faithful summer I have been exercising and eating healthy.   I went from about 225lbs to a thick 152lbs.  I give credit to God, my mom, George and everyone who encouraged me!  My current regimen is working out six days a week and eating a low carb/fat diet.  I try to eat protein with every meal.  I try to stay away from fast foods and sweets since those are my weaknesses, but I do indulge from time to time.  I'm extremely active and wouldn't have it any other way.   

I'm very proud of my story and someday I hope to open a business in which I help people reach there healthy lifestyle goals.  It's not completely about the numbers on the scale, but more so about your overall health and how you feel inside.  It may have taken me years to shed the weight, but I feel AWESOME!!! #TeamFit all day!

Dear Summer.............

I have no clue what I am going to do with the large amount of free time I have on my hands.   Unlike previous years I have no football, Auntie/nephew time, relationship, work related travel or second job to occupy my summer months.  This year it looks like it’s going to be me, myself and I.  Granted I do have school, but not really.  I’m enrolled in an independent study course and I only have one paper to write.  I also have GLE, but after our show in July there is not much scheduled.

Due to the NFL lockout I can’t read about free agent signings, OTAs, and training camps.  I can’t start talking trash and researching who I would like to draft on my fantasy football team.  Instead, I am praying an NFL CBA is reached so that at least a part of the season is saved.  Maybe I can watch the NFL Network to get my football fix.  Granted, they show old games but football is football……..Ok, no not really.  I never realized how much free time I actually spent on football until now.  Maybe I’ll just follow the CFL *sigh*

My Fatman is 10 years old going on 18. He doesn’t want to spend time with his Auntie anymore.  Now he is into swimming, riding his bike, playing with neighborhood friends and attending summer classes that are not really summer classes.  Frankly, he has no time for me.  We use to go places and have fun.  Guess it is all a part of him growing up.  Gosh I wish he was younger again.    The only time I will see him is when he needs something….clothes, shoes, money, a ride, etc.  Smh.

My dating life SUCKS!  I’ve been single for quite some time now and it doesn’t seem like my status will be changing anytime soon.  I understand it’s the summer and love connections are not made until the fall comes….everyone has to find that Winter Boo, lol.  I’m cool with not having a boyfriend, but I do want to date this summer.  Not just regular dates either….going to dinner/movies is for the birds!! I want to do something fun!!! Jet Ski at Ocean City, visit downtown DC, indoor/outdoor go karting, a trip to Kings Dominion on a nice summer day, roller skating…you get my drift.

Thanks to Congress and the budget standoff, there is not much on the horizon for work-related travel.  Last year it was Hawaii.  Year before that was Japan and Guam. Year before that was Cali and Hawaii….you see where I am going.  This year I get Norfolk and Palm Desert, CA.  Oh what joy *side eye* Granted I was visiting all of these wonderful places on the government’s dime and I was working! But I was also able to enjoy the areas I was in.  My week in Norfolk won’t be too and since I might be able to see a few friends and I plan to chill at the spa in Cali.  When life gives you lemons….add some ingredients and make cupcakes from scratch, lol. 

For years I worked between 2-3 jobs like I was part Jamaican.  I worked for the government, a bank and a community center all at the same time.  Yes, I am a real life Super Woman! *dons cape* Last year I quit the part-times jobs so I could have more free time and minister with GLE.  Joining GLE was one of the best decisions of my life, but I miss my part time jobs…..especially working at the bank.  To be honest I’ve been thinking about getting another one, I just don’t know what I want to do. 

With all this free time I guess I will continue to work out, blog, go to church and try to stay out of trouble.  When I have a lot of free time on my hands I become a member of the ninja coon society, lol.  I pray that doesn’t happen this year.

Could've Been Worse

A few days a week I hit up the gym for a quick workout since I am trying to be healthy and lose some weight.  Today was my first lunch workout of the week due to my workload and some other things.  I absolutely have to work out to music.  There is NO way I can get through a workout without any music or sound for that matter.  As always my iPod is on shuffle and plays every song in my library.  While I was on the elliptical Lyfe Jenning’s “Could’ve Been Worse” blasted through my earphones.  Now normally I just listen o the beats of the song and continue to work out.  For some reason today I actually listened to the lyrics and started to reflect on the things that have happened in my life and how they could’ve been worse.

The course of the songs goes:

And he said remember when you were sick and you got better, remember I put your family back together, remember I could have cut you off forever.
So no matter how bad you think it hurts.

It could've been worse, you could've been dead.
You could've been paralyzed, confined to a bed.
You could've lost everything, you should've lost everything.
But somebody’s watching you, and gave you another chance.

The words got me thinking about my life and my walk with God.  My life thus far has not been the best and surely not the worse.  I’ve been blessed to see 30 years on this earth and I have experienced the joys, pains, ups and downs of life.  God has blessed me with loving family/friends, employment, nice home, working vehicle, education, clothes, food ------ you get where I’m going. Granted He has also allowed me to experience mental/physical/emotional pain, low self-esteem, rape, illness, abandonment and some other things but as Lyfe sings, it could’ve been worse. 

He could’ve ended my story when I attempted to overdose on prescription meds or He could’ve let my cancer go undetected by my doctor or He could’ve let me fall off that bridge overseas.  There are so many things that could’ve happen, but God didn’t let it. The Bible says “I will never leave you nor forsake you…”  And in 30 years He hasn’t. 

I’m a walking testament to God’s love for those who call on His name and accept Him as his/she personal savior.  In my life I have been down, but NEVER out.  He has been there for me even when I didn’t want Him to be.  When I wanted to wallow in my pain and die He didn’t leave me.  He put angels around me to ensure I didn’t end the works He started in me when I first became saved as a child.  What an AWESOME God I serve. 

Lyfe goes on to sing:

You only got to God to complain but have you ever went to Him to just say thanks.

As I’ve grown closer to God I realize the importance of saying thank you to someone who does things He doesn’t have too.  I’m thankful to Him for my trails, my successes, happy times and sad times.  I know He is using these things to make me a stronger person in Christ and fully trust in Him.  I have a long way to go until I become the woman He wants me to be and at times its hard but I always remember it could’ve been worse. Thanks J.C.!!!!