Happy Bornday to Me

Thirty….Years….Old……Holy cow, I'll be the BIG 3-0 tomorrow.  Yep, it’s my bornday and I'm UBER excited!!!  I love celebrating birthdays, especially mines, because it is the one day just for me.  I know there are millions of other humans with this same birthdate, but I feel this day is ALL MINE!

I didn’t think I would EVER get to this age.  I mean I’ve have several brushes with death, but GOD allowed me to live. Thanks JC!  My first thirty years have not been the greatest, but I’m not complaining.  I’ve had some ups and down, but I’m still here…..still growing....still loving....still laughing....still living.

When I was a pre-teen I had an idea of all the things I wanted to accomplish when I reached thirty.  My plans were to graduate college (undergrad), get a good job making $50k (lol), get married and have some children.  Then when I became a teenager my goals changed a little, everything was the same minus the husband and kids (lol, I didn’t want the drama and after watching a delivery in sex education I decided giving birth was not for me!) 

Fast forward to now….I graduated undergrad and graduate school, make good money (more than $50K), purchased a home and have traveled the world.  I guess I did good for myself.  I’m not worried about the husband and kids, I have new goals to accomplish *shrug*  I want to finish another degree, start a consulting firm, grow my relationship with God, and enjoy life.

I spent the first thirty years of my life living for others.  It was cool, but I want to live for me!  Do the things that make me happy, bring a smile to my face.   With that being said, it’s time to see what GOD has in store for me….Boy am I excited!!!!

HAPPY BORNDAY TO ME!

My Mini Me

Although I don’t have children of my own I find myself drawn to children of all ages.  Now I have two nieces, two nephews and a little brother.   But I also have around four God children and a host of nieces and nephews who are of no relation.  I treat these children as if they were my own and support them in any way I can.  I buy shoes, gifts, school supplies; attend special events and provide adult guidance when needed. 

A few weeks ago while attending my weekly DanceWorks class in Columbia I met a 14 year old girl named A.  I’m not sure what it was, but we took to each other instantly and by the end of class everyone was calling her my “mini me.”   She loves to dance, very smart, watches football/basketball and has a quick mouth J  Yea, she is just like me!   She even forgets to take the tags off her clothes like me, lol.  My mom said she acts the same way I did when I was her age. 

Mini Me asked me for my cell phone number to keep in touch.  I figured she was just being friendly, as I was at that age, but she was serious.  In the few weeks since we met we have developed something like a big/little sister relationship.   She calls and texts me about school, friends, dance, etc.   Just the other night we were discussing Dwight Howard, whom we both think is VERY attractive.  She was saying she was going to come with me to NBA All-Star weekend so she can see our “boo.”  That is soooo funny to me.  Anyway, when the magic were losing in game 6 of the NBA playoffs she sent me a text message saying Howard needed to step up and play before they lose the series.  The funny thing was I was about to text her with the same message.  When the game was over I sent her a text saying I was going to Orlando to comfort Howard and she responded I was really her “Big Me” J

Guess I have another child to add to my list.  She is the oldest, so this will be a little different.  I can already see her asking to stay at my house, go shopping, etc.  It makes me happy to play a positive role in the life of a teenager when the society has so many bad role models. 

Where is My Strengthener?

And now my son's gettin’ older and older and cold/From havin’ the world on his shoulders - TuPac

That’s how I feel…..like the weight of the world is on my shoulder.  Last night I received some news from my mom about my uncle hat rocked my world.   She was on the phone crying and I was trying to calm her down.  I couldn’t start crying because it would only magnify her sadness. …I had to be strong.  When we hung up the phone I just stared aimlessly around my bedroom with a zillion thoughts running through my head and tears streaming down my face.  Why him? Was it true? Why wait 13 years? What is going to happen to him? His family? 

None the less I was talking to myself because I felt I had no one to call to tell me it would be alright.  No one to come over and allow me to cry on their shoulders while they rub my back.  After I gathered myself I started thinking why is it that the person who is always there and strong for others has no one to do the same. 

For as long as I can remember I have been there for EVERYONE! Friends, family, classmates, strangers, etc; I am always there to lend an ear, my shoulder, money…..anything that’s needed.  But when the tables were turned I was left alone.  My daddy left, I was alone.  My brother almost died after a fire incident, I was alone.  My heart was broken when my relationship fell apart, I was alone.  I was having a BAD day, I was alone.  I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at 29, I was alone.  My money was a little funny, I was alone.  The list goes on and on with one main theme, me being alone. 

It’s ingrained in my nature to be there for everyone.  To not complain when things don’t go my way, to help those in need, to forgive those who hurt me and still be there in their time of need.  At times I feel like this is a BAD trait.  Like who in their right mind gives so much of themselves to other and rarely gets anything in return? Can I REALLY be THAT strong? To support myself and others on this 5 foot 4 inch, 151 pound frame?

Strength is defined as one regarded as embodying or affording force or firmness.  Using that definition, I guess I have a lot of strength despite my stature.  I’ve been doing it for so long, its second nature to me.  I’m not going to lie though, I wish just once I had somebody like me to be strong for me when I need it.