Just Call Me Judy Blume.....

"Telling the truth makes you odd" - Judy Blume

Growing up in the 80/90s was awesome!  We had the best music, TV shows, after school specials and books.  One of my favorite authors as a child was Judy Blume.  Her books had a detective theme to them which matches very well with my investigative personality.

What can I say, since I was a child I loved solving mysteries and being nosy, lol.  If I didn't believe something then I was going to dig until I found the truth....oh and the truth I would find.

Fast forward to the last 72 hours.  While I have been traveling back and forth to Ebonyville, I'll explain in another post, my girls have been going through it and are in need of my help.

My latest case involves a married man, mistress and my friend.  I got the case Wednesday night and I'm happy to say I've solved it!  Social media and public websites are wonderful tools to use when trying to find the truth.

Folks don't realize how big their cyber footprint is and boy was his HUGE!  So basically he told my friend he was separated from his wife and going through a divorce.  The wife supposedly lived in another state and of course he wants to start a new life with my friend.  While I'm not sure what tipped her off, besides a FB post, my friend had questions which he didn't answer.....imagine that!

Well using FB and some government sites I was able to find out the wife is in fact here, her email, where she works and the house they are looking to purchased.  I also put other pieces together and discovered hie has a mistress, whom is also a co-worker!

Case solved in 36 hours.....damn I'm good.  Not sure what she's going to do with all the information, but I hurt for my friend.  She's been through a lot in the past few years when it comes to men.  Perhaps it's time for her to chill before she gets involved with someone else. 

In any event, the case is closed and my record is still in good standing. I just really wish I was wrong this time. 

My advice to all is be honest in all dealings and watch what you put out in the cyber world.  There are detectives like me ready to examine your cyber footprint, lol.

Show Me the Carfax!

As I talk to my friends in the process of purchasing "used" cars, I'm learning the importance of checking the Carfax.  Now I've purchased two used vehicles in my day and I will say both were lemons, lol.  After the last one broke down, I made a vow to only buy off the showroom floor.

That would be great if I were really talking about cars, but I'm talking about dating/relationships.  Unfortunately, men don't come with a report showing the accidents, mileage, service records, previous drivers, insurance claims, etc.  But they should!

I've had two close friends find out that either their new boo thangs were either engaged or married with a mistress in the past 4 days.  That's a lot of information to process.

Like how can you be engaged and be in a relationship with someone else?  Like this dude was practically living in her house!!!  He was around her 24/7 and still managed to live a double life.  Smh.

In the other case, dude said he was separated from his wife, but wasn't AND he has a mistress!!!  So he was living a triple life.  That's a lot of lies to keep up.  You have to have a GREAT memory to remember dates, events, names, etc.

Now, I'm sure you are all wondering how they found out......it was easy thanks to Facebook, lol.  After all these years, guys don't know how to lock down certain parts of their pages.

I'm one to learn from the mistakes of others, so I will definitely take heed to what they went through.  The next time I find myself a used car, I will be asking for a Carfax and doing a little investigative work on my own ;-)

Homework: Personal SWOT Analysis

About a month or so ago an acquaintance asked me to assist him in completing his homework assignment for a business class.  The professor wanted him to conduct an SWOT Analysis on a Fortune 500 company and decide whether or not he would invest in the company based on the information. 

Now while I do have my MPA, I had no clue as to what a SWOT Analysis was.  I figured it was similar to the "new math" that my 11 year old nephew is learning in 7th grade.  It was COMPLETELY foreign to me.

Anyway, I went to my trusty friend, Google, to find out exactly what is was and how to conduct such a thing.  In short, a SWOT Analysis is " a useful technique for understanding your Strengths and Weaknesses, and for identifying both the Opportunities open to you and the Threats you face." 

Pretty simple.......done!

As I was on my 18 hour flight home from Europe, I had the grand of idea of conducting a personal SWOT Analysis.  I figured I had nothing but time and no where to go, lol.

So here is it............

Strengths:
- God Fearing: I am a Christian and I stand on my belief in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I feel as though I do my part in ministry and attempt to spread the "Good News".

- Good heart: I'm uber compassionate to my fellow man and I hate conflict.  I truly believe that stems from my faith.

- Healthy:  I like to workout and eat healthy foods.  I am not into doing things that will decrease my life span. I have enough other medical issues (asthma, syncope, etc) to already do that, lol.

- Fun: I LOVE to have a good time.  I am willing to do anything at least once as long as it won't land me in jail or the hospital.  Most times I like to goof around, but I know when to be serious.

- Out Going Personality: I can make friends with almost anyone and have a way of making others feel welcomed.

Weaknesses:
- Lack of Risk Taking: I've never been to jail and I don't plan on going, lol.

- Low Patience: I have been known to have the "I want and I want it now" mentality when it comes to some things. 

- ADD:  I can get bored VERY quickly....

- Body Image: Like most women who have lost a considerable amount of weight, sometimes I still see the "old me" in the mirror and get down about my size/weight.

Opportunities:

- Getting Closer to God: As I strengthen my walk with God there is the opportunity for me to become the woman He created me to be.

- Open Minded: While I don't take many risks, I am open minded about a lot of things and I never force my beliefs on anyone about anything.

- Communication: I love to communicate in any and every form possible.  By doing so, I am opening myself up to meeting new people and creating new experiences.

Threats:

- My past:  It still comes back to haunt me :-(

- Optimistic Pessimist: I truly believe there is good in everyone/situation.  At the same time I am waiting for the "other shoe to drop".

- Out Going Personality: I am a people's person and I've learned that it can cause issues(s) in relationships.

So that's me.....would you invest?  Try doing one on your own and see what you come up with.

Smiles and Tears

Life can be funny at times.....It's amazing how just one thought can turn your day around.

That happened to me.  A co-worker and I were eating lunch and I asked him if he wanted to see my "Nee".  My co-worker, being who he is, responded with something about sexual harassment and I explained to him AGAIN who my Nee was. 

As I typed in the web address for my slain God brother's memorial site, I felt a wave of grief wash over me. I only visit the site twice a year...on his bornday and on the day he was murdered. I like to leave a message in the guestbook because in my mind, he reads the entries. 

As I showed him the pictures and described how his life was ended WAY too soon at age 28, I felt Nee sitting with me.  He was smiling at all the memories held in those photos.

Then it happened....my smile was traded for tears. 

I went to leave my annual message in the guestbook, but the site hosting it has been shut down.  All of the messages his family/friends left are now gone...just like he is :-(

Since I can't leave a message on his site, I will leave one on mine.....

Happy Bornday Nee!!! You are getting so old!  I pray you are celebrating in heaven because I plan to celebrate your life here on earth. :-) This doesn't get easier with time, but I know you are in the best place ever.  I miss you so much!! Oh, remember the purple Rocawear shirt you gave me for Christmas?? Well I FINALLY have some J's to match it.  That will be my shirt/shoes this weekend when I step out the house.  Love you so much!!! 

- Ebbie

National Depression Screening Day

Caught up in all the hoopla of Breast Cancer Awareness Month is another important awareness day....National Depression Screening Day was 11 Oct.  I'll be honest, I never knew there was a day dedicated to depression screening.  It wasn't until I was reading cnn.com that I noticed the article about getting screened and sharing stories.

Reading the quick article made me reflect on my own bout with depression/bi-polar disorder.  I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 16, although I can remember feeling depressed WAY before then.

It also made me think back to a conversation I had with @AngryBlkManDC on twitter a year ago.  We were discussing mental illness in the black community.  We agreed that there is a stigma when a minority goes to get screened/seek help.

In our culture we are taught to take all of our problems to the Lord in prayer...including mental illness.  If you go to the "shrink" we are somehow creating more problems and not trusting God.  That's a bunch of malarkey!

God gave those "shrinks" the education and practical experience needed to help folks who are mentally ill.  Everything good thing comes from Him and I can attest seeing someone for help is a good thing.

I remember laying in my bed after popping a handful of pills, praying to die.  God allowed me to live and then my mother called 9-1-1 after she realized what I had done.

It was then that I got the help I needed.  God put me in that position to talk to someone and for a while, rely of medication to stabilize what was going on inside of me.

By seeking help I learned ways to cope with what had happen in my life, as well as provide me with exercises in case I ever felt that way again.  

I know plenty of folks who have succeed in killing themselves because they didn't seek help.  They fell into the thought that out people don't seek doctors of help, only God.

Today, I wear a green ribbon which symbolizes depression awareness. What color are you wearing?

Not Just Breast Cancer Awareness, But Cancer Awareness

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  This is the time when everyone is encouraged to “Rock the Pink!”  or donate money or participate in one of the various walks sponsored by the Susan G Kohman foundation. 

Perhaps I am in the wrong for my way of thinking, but I’m tired of it!  I’m tired of the nation focusing on ONE form of cancer.  Yes, I know it can strike men and woman alike, across different backgrounds.  Yes, I know it is the #1 cancer affecting women.  But there are other cancers that kill woman EVERYDAY that don’t get the same push.  I know this because in November 2010 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.

When my OBGYN informed be that my last exam was “abnormal” and additional testing was needed, I took to the internet to see what could be affecting me.  After my second follow-up appointment, and the diagnosis of cancer clear, there was little to no information on the web. 

As for research in how to prevent such a disease or “kill” it all together…..there wasn’t much going on.    

In FY 11, research for breast cancer topped $625,059,909 dollars.  While research dollars for cervical cancer reached $81,379,067.  There is a major discrepancy between the two, heck between research for all types of cancers. 

I am of the belief that if one type of cancer can have an awareness month, then so should the others.  Should the individuals that have brain cancer not get the same type of awareness as those that have breast cancer?  Both kill, both hurt!  One is not more important than the other; society just treats it that way.

I don’t hear/see folks rocking brown for colon cancer, grey for brain cancer, teal for cervical cancer, yellow for bladder cancer, white/clear for lung cancer, and the list goes on!  I asked around and no one could name another awareness month besides October. 

It’s such a shame.  As for me, I support cancer research.  So for me, October is Cancer Awareness Month!  I will highlight various types of cancers throughout the month and I will “Rock the teal” in support of my own personal battle with cancer…….which I won to the glory of God J