It's About to Get Real........Estate Included

In 2009 I purchased a townhome with my then fiancé in "new" Bowie.  It was a lovely end unit with three bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms and unfinished basement.  This was suppose to be our starter home.  We planned to stay there for 4-6 years and then move into something bigger. 

During the first year we finished the basement, updated the half bathroom and started turning it into a home.  It was filled with love, laughter, good times and our "baby girl" Storm.  It was a home.  Although we hadn't set a wedding date, we were still scheduled to get hitched.  But things changed.

At a rapid pace, we stopped communicating, stopped loving, stop respecting.  The dwelling became a house.  In the end I left the beautiful townhouse in "new" Bowie (for good).  I left my dog, friends and the one man that was supposed to be my husband.  It was ugly, but for health reasons I couldn't stay and fight for what was legally mine.

I moved out to Columbia to stay with my parents at 30 years old.  I was and still am partly embarrassed of this fact.  I told my mom I would stay for one year and then attempt to purchase a house on my own, even though my name is on another mortgage.  My goal was to save as much as my shopaholic heart would allow in an effort to have a down payment for a conventional loan.

We are approaching June and I must say I'm blessed because I'm half way to my savings goal.  I told myself I wanted to save between $18-21k.  Every payday I transfer money into a savings account that I try not to touch.  I pay my tithes and other bills, living off of whatever is left.  It's difficult at times, but God sustains me. I honestly believe it is because I tithe faithfully.

In a week or so I am scheduled to meet with my ex to discuss what to do with our current house.  He lives there, pays the bill and from what I know has been entertaining another female there.  It's time for my name to come off of that house so I can close that chapter and move on.  Things are about to get real because over the past year, every time we tried to discuss a buy-out we could never agree. 

I'm not sure what to expect at this meeting or if he will show up...and with who!  If he is bold enough to sleep with women in a house I still have a key too, then I have no doubt he is bold enough to bring her to this meeting.  I know it's going to be emotional and I'm not too sure I'm ready to deal with it.  He knows how to get under my skin and has no problem doing so.

It is my hope that I come out alive and free.  I pray the meeting goes well; there is no leftover hurt or love lost between the two of us.  In a perfect world I wouldn't be dealing with this, but I am.  My best hope is I get back what I put into the home and we agreed to end our relationship, if it can be called that, on good terms.  I believe after six years together we each deserve that.  

From there, I'll continue to save and when winter time comes I'll start looking for "Casa de Rose."  A place to call my own where I can start to rebuild my life.  I thought the after effects of the breakup were hard, but as the time nears for me to fly one my own I'm realizing things are about to get REAL!

Running On Memorial Day.......

We Ready To Run This Thang!

Yesterday morning I did something I was suppose to do last year, but couldn't because I was in Las Vegas celebrating my birthday.  I ran in the Marine Corps Veteran Education Center 5/10K with my best friend Pook.  This was my first time running in the event and Paul's second.  We both got into running last year for different reasons thanks to a mutual friend.  The plan in 2011 was for the three of us to run it together, but things didn't pan out.

I almost missed this year's race since he didn't tell me he was running it again; I found out via his blog, lol.  That's actually how I find out  a lot of things.  Since I knew I would be in town and I wanted to spend some quality bff time with him I decided to enter.  Now he had been training for about a month, so I knew I needed to get on the ball.  I couldn't have him beat me...I'm too competitive for that.  I trained for about two weeks; running 2 miles twice a week.

Back to yesterday.......

He picked me up around 6:45am and we hit the highway towards Baltimore.  As always, we chatted it up about the happenings in our lives.  We arrived in downtown Baltimore around 7:15am.  Of course he had to put on his running shoes, takes off a layer of clothes and lock everything down.  While he was doing that we kept seeing event participants running around.  We had to look at the clock to ensure we didn't miss anything.  We surmised they were the serious crowd and were warming up. 

We walked to the registration area so I could register, get my number, shirt and running chip.  To my surprise, we also got a goodie bag.  It was filled with pretzels, peanut butter crackers, and some discount card to a bike store.  I tossed mine and headed to the start line.  We were late due to me completing the registration paperwork. :-(  The workers encouraged us to get started.

We started running 7 mins and 15 secs into the race.  I first half mile was very interesting because we had no idea which way to go and Baltimore City police were not that helpful.  The was a couple following us and we all determined to stay together until we figured out the rest.  We were all going to get lost together, lol. 

Pook and I ran the same pace and of course engaged in pushing in shoving each other during the first mile.  We can be big kids at time, lol.  Once we passed the mile marker it seemed as if we both were in our own worlds.  Every now and again we would look at each other to make sure we were good.  Pook has a shin injury and of course I have asthma and a heart condition, lol. 

We ran along the Inner Harbor and the surrounding area before we reached the turnaround point.  We seemed to be keeping good time.  It took us about 20 mins to run 2 miles.  Not bad for two 31 year olds, lol.  We kept up the pace...until we reached the hill.  I swear it seemed as if my legs were going to give out on me.  I had started shuffle running.  I was 2 seconds away from telling Pook I would meet him at the finish line because I needed to walk, lol.  But then.....................

Expressions Have Changed...TIRED!

The course made a right turn and I could see the finish line.  There was NO way I was going to stop a quarter of mile away.  Nope!  I asked God to push me through and He did.  With the finish line in sight, we both picked up the pace.  It was no time to quit.  We crossed the finish line ar 37 mins and 42 secs.  I think I crossed before Pook did...I won, lol.  If you subtract 7 mins and 15 secs since we started late, our official running time should be about 30 mins and 27 seconds!  I pray that is the case when the official times are released.   My goal was to run the entire race in less than 33 mins. 

After the race we drank some water, walked around a bit and headed to the car.  Next stop....BREAKFAST!  We headed to Eggspectation's for a nice healthy breakfast after a good run.  We ordered the same thing, Chesapeake omelets with grilled potatoes and toast.  We chatted about the race and stuff in general.  2016 may prove to be an important year, lol. As always, it was a good time.  We clowned in the packing lot and he dropped me off.

Gotta say, we need to hang out more often because we always have fun.  I'm mad I missed out on last year's race, but we are scheduled to Run of Our Lives on the 27th of Oct.  I can't wait :-)

For No Other Reason

I'm crying.  I'm emotional.  I'm hurting.  For no other reason then because I can, I'm putting my guard down and releasing things tht have been bottled up for a while.

You Want Me to Be Your FWB? Nahhhh, I’ll Pass

“Friends, how many of us have them? Friends.  Ones we can depend on….let’s be friends.” – Whodini

According to thefreedictionary.com, friend (n) is defined as: 1. a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate 2. an acquaintance or associate 3. an ally in a fight or cause; supporter 4. a fellow member of a party, society, etc. 5. a patron or supporter a friend of the opera.  Regarded with liking? Affection? Intimate?  *side eye* I’m too sure about this definition.  With liking….I’ll take that.  Affection…hugs, sure; kisses no!   Intimacy….HELL NO! 

I am a firm believer that friends don’t have sex.   They just don’t.  When thoughts and/or actions like that occur it changes the nature of the relationship.  Not this is not to say I don’t think any of my male friends are attractive; I would be lying.  Lawd knows I know some sexy, young, black, good men!  But that’s where it stops with me.  I can think he is handsome, but not think the other thoughts.  A real friendship is based on trust, respect, mutual interest, etc.  The feelings are plutonic.  When sex is introduced to a friendship you run the risk of someone, mainly the female, becoming attached and ruining something that was beautiful from the first place.  I have personally been there, done that…not a fan!

There is nothing like being able to talk to someone of the opposite sex about any and everything under the sun.  Discuss dates, sports, politics, and family matters.  I currently have one male best friend whom I love dearly.  *Waves* We have NEVER crossed the line of becoming friends with benefits.  Heck, I don’t think we have ever even discussed the matter.  I believe we would never do that because of how important our friendship is to one another.  I honestly couldn’t imagine not having him in my life; it would suck and I’m sure he feels the same.  Over the years we have celebrated successes, encouraged each other during tribulations.  He is the one male, besides family, I know would have my back.  Why ruin that for a few moments of lust?

A male acquaintance informed me not too long ago that he wants to sleep with me, but keep our friendship.  According to him, he is attracted to my quiet confidence, curves, humor…almost everything about me.  He has said several times he just wants to try it out, like I am a tester bottle of cologne at a department store.   Of course he says he enjoys talking to me, seeing me in the building, etc.  At first I was flattered….who doesn’t want to be desired??  But that got me to thinking about our entire friendship from the beginning.  Was his ulterior motive to get to know me because he was attracted to me sexually from the start?   To see what he would have to do for a chance to get in my pants? 

Something about that isn’t right.  We are all visual creatures and I’m almost 100% sure he knew from the day we met he wanted to sleep with me.  However, instead of being straight up about it he decided to play the “friend” game.  Well I don’t need “friends” like that.  I don’t provide ANY benefits unless I’m employing you to do a job.

 

Available, but Not Really

Since I began seriously dating it seems I always run into men who are available, but not emotionally.  What I mean by that is these men  create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy.  From the outside looking in these men  are ambiguous, hard to read, very attractive anomaly that sits between a Bad Boy and Mr Nice Guy.  Their characteristics, personality and behaviors gave me a hint of what he could be, if only he wasn’t so self-involved and quite messed up.  That "hint of potential" kept me coming back for more. I have no idea why I am drawn to them or why they are drawn to me.  

My first taste of an emotionally unavailable man was in college.  We met when I was a freshman at High Point University.  He was a very sweet young man and I was hooked from our first conversation.  He seemed to be very street/book smart.  I could talk to him about any and everything.  We had GREAT dates and the sex was amazing!  But he never "claimed" me until I was in my junior year.  I think it was because I was starting to distance myself from him.  I later found out the first 2 years of our friendship he was getting over a broken heart and wasn't ready for anything serious.  I can't recall if he told me that or not, but he would do relationship type things with me....besides having sex.  He gave me gifts on holidays, came to my dorm room when I was sick, attended school functions and of course we went out on dates.  For the life of me I couldn't figure out why he was doing all of those things, but not want anything serious.  We dated for 2 years and the distance between us killed our relationship.  

The next one came in 2005.  I met him at a local lounge and immediately tried to dismiss him because I felt he was too young.  Of course he told me "age ain't nothing but a number.  Despite my age I've been through enough things and I'm grown."  Me being me took him at his word and we became friends.  We would talk on the phone 24/7, hang out, etc.  Eventually we started sleeping together and things kinda took off.  I remember him telling me he was still mourning the lost of his previous girlfriend and I was cool with that....until he started wanting to do "relationship" things and would get upset if another dude called/texted/emailed me.  It took about 10 months before we became official and I thought everything was good.  It wasn't.  Even though we were together and he said he loved me; his heart was still with his deceased ex.  To this day I still feel I was second in his life the first 4 years of our relationship.  We ended up being together for the better part of 6 years before we split apart, but that is another story.  

Next came Mr. Divorced.  Like the others he did "relationship" things.  He would bring me breakfast or lunch.  Get my car detailed.  Tell me how attractive I am.  Cook me food.  Call/text/email just because.  Talk on the phone until the wee hours of the morning.  I will say he was very upfront in saying he didn't want a relationship, but he was just being "himself."  I had to explain to him that being "himself" was giving me and I'm sure other women mixed signals.  After an unexpected encounter I was drawn to him.  I experienced a very intimate moment without being touched physically.  I told myself to pull back , but it was hard because I was so attracted to his personality.  He was the prototype of someone I would date.  **Oh, for the record we never slept with each other.**  

There have been a few others, GT and AW.  I guess I'm doing something wrong.  I attract them and I when they tell me how they are I don't believe them.  That's because I'm focused on actions more so than words.  It's easy to talk a good game, but harder to walk it.  I gotta figure out a way to stop this vicious cycle because I always end up caring too much and getting hurt.  What I'm learning is to focus on the words just as much as the actions.   Guess we shall see how the next relationship ends up. *sigh*

Happy Bornday to Me!

Today I am 31 years old!  It was my goal to write a letter to my younger self, but it didn't pan out the way I would like.  I've been so busy this week with work, training, cleaning, dancing and other things that I just didn't find the time to do it.  *shrugs* Perhaps I will give it a go when my life slows down a little.  I don't want to rush it, as it will be very personal. 

I've learned a lot since my 30th birthday.  In the last 365 days I’ve witnessed tremendous strength, wisdom and growth.  The past year has been filled with growing pains, but thanks to God’s grace I made it.  I didn’t drown in the storms even when I wanted too.  Heck, there were times when I jumped in the ocean with no life jacket, but I’m still standing!!!  This birthday is a testimony.  I've lost some things, but I also gained some things.  My outlook has changed and I am growing.  There is no greater gift than growth and positive change.  God knows what He is doing. 

I’m looking forward to what 31 has to offer, as long as it’s better than what 30 gave me, lol.  Today alone has been wonderful.  The outpouring of love from family, friends, social media buddies and co-workers has made my day in ways they will never know.  As for my goals this year I have plans to take some trips, become certified in fitness and purchase a second home before my 32^nd birthday.  I’m really sitting here shaking my head with tears in my eyes because God is so good!  I’m SO excited for my future. 

Happy bornday to me! *dances around*

Oh yea, I'll lose these last 10 pounds this year...Lol.  #Team150PoundsOrLess

*****Update***** My birthday was incredible! Despite not having all of the events that normally accompany my day like past celebrations, I enjoyed EVERY piece of it. From a late breakfast to being in bed by 11:30. I was able to volunteer at Shepperd's Cove and hopefully impact the life of someone. I'm really growing up :-)

I'm About My Business!

I did it…..I took a leap of faith at the cost of $457.00…..to invest in myself…..in what I believe God called me do.  As I have mentioned in previous posts I love working out and helping people reach their healthy lifestyles/weight loss goals.   A few years ago I was told by a young lady that I should get into the fitness business via Group Fitness Instructor or Personal Trainer.  She said I had a knack for motivating and pushing people to eat right, work out and do the things it takes to be healthy.  To her I was a living testimony of what one can achieve when they pray and put there mind to something. 

Through hard work, dedication and prayer I managed to drop nearly 75 pounds without the assistance of surgery or weight loss pills.  With the encouragement of my mother, I started working out and slowly changing my eating habits.  Instead of eating when something was going on in my life I would write and workout.  If I did decide to eat, it was something healthy.  As I started dropping the weight I kept a “fat” photo in my gym bag and on my phone.  It was a reminder of where I had come from and where I didn’t want to be. 

As I was losing weight and working out I wouldn’t speak to anyone in the gym.  I was focused man!!!!  I wore extremely large t-shirts because in my mind I was still pushing 230 pounds.  It wasn’t until one of the trainers told me to wear clothes my size that I changed.  Two trainers would point out to their clients how much weight I had lost.  Since humans have the natural ability to ask questions folks would ask me how I did it and share their painful weight stories with me.  Just as my mom encouraged me, I encouraged them.  From there it seemed people, mostly women would ask me for assistance.  They would ask what I ate, how much cardio I did, what exercises were the best for this or that.  It was in that time that I actually started inviting people to join me in my workouts and developed a passion for group fitness and personal training.

Throughout the years I would always train with young women to help them reach their fitness goals.  A few months ago I was approached by a mother of 3 to help her drop some of the weight from her last child.  Even though she didn’t follow my plan to the “T” she saw results and spread the word.  In the last month I’ve added three new clients!  I’m sure it helps that I’m training them free of charge, but I see this as free publicity.  The more the lose, the more I gain!!!! Each of them have encouraged me to become certified so I can turn this gift into a small business.  A close friend even spoke into existence of me owning my own gym!

The Bible says faith without works is dead.  I can’t except to have a small business without getting the proper certification first.  So I ordered mt exam materials from the American Council on Exercise (ACE).  From talking to current Master Trainers, ACE is THE best in the game.  According to ACE I should be able to sit for the exam in 3 months IF I apply myself like a college student…..and that’s EXACTLY what I plan to do.  Once I complete this the goal is to get my personal training and nutrition certification. God gave me the gift and the tools and I plan to use them! 

Happy Fitness readers! You will be seeing me in a gym near you VERY soon!