Available, but Not Really

Since I began seriously dating it seems I always run into men who are available, but not emotionally.  What I mean by that is these men  create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy.  From the outside looking in these men  are ambiguous, hard to read, very attractive anomaly that sits between a Bad Boy and Mr Nice Guy.  Their characteristics, personality and behaviors gave me a hint of what he could be, if only he wasn’t so self-involved and quite messed up.  That "hint of potential" kept me coming back for more. I have no idea why I am drawn to them or why they are drawn to me.  

My first taste of an emotionally unavailable man was in college.  We met when I was a freshman at High Point University.  He was a very sweet young man and I was hooked from our first conversation.  He seemed to be very street/book smart.  I could talk to him about any and everything.  We had GREAT dates and the sex was amazing!  But he never "claimed" me until I was in my junior year.  I think it was because I was starting to distance myself from him.  I later found out the first 2 years of our friendship he was getting over a broken heart and wasn't ready for anything serious.  I can't recall if he told me that or not, but he would do relationship type things with me....besides having sex.  He gave me gifts on holidays, came to my dorm room when I was sick, attended school functions and of course we went out on dates.  For the life of me I couldn't figure out why he was doing all of those things, but not want anything serious.  We dated for 2 years and the distance between us killed our relationship.  

The next one came in 2005.  I met him at a local lounge and immediately tried to dismiss him because I felt he was too young.  Of course he told me "age ain't nothing but a number.  Despite my age I've been through enough things and I'm grown."  Me being me took him at his word and we became friends.  We would talk on the phone 24/7, hang out, etc.  Eventually we started sleeping together and things kinda took off.  I remember him telling me he was still mourning the lost of his previous girlfriend and I was cool with that....until he started wanting to do "relationship" things and would get upset if another dude called/texted/emailed me.  It took about 10 months before we became official and I thought everything was good.  It wasn't.  Even though we were together and he said he loved me; his heart was still with his deceased ex.  To this day I still feel I was second in his life the first 4 years of our relationship.  We ended up being together for the better part of 6 years before we split apart, but that is another story.  

Next came Mr. Divorced.  Like the others he did "relationship" things.  He would bring me breakfast or lunch.  Get my car detailed.  Tell me how attractive I am.  Cook me food.  Call/text/email just because.  Talk on the phone until the wee hours of the morning.  I will say he was very upfront in saying he didn't want a relationship, but he was just being "himself."  I had to explain to him that being "himself" was giving me and I'm sure other women mixed signals.  After an unexpected encounter I was drawn to him.  I experienced a very intimate moment without being touched physically.  I told myself to pull back , but it was hard because I was so attracted to his personality.  He was the prototype of someone I would date.  **Oh, for the record we never slept with each other.**  

There have been a few others, GT and AW.  I guess I'm doing something wrong.  I attract them and I when they tell me how they are I don't believe them.  That's because I'm focused on actions more so than words.  It's easy to talk a good game, but harder to walk it.  I gotta figure out a way to stop this vicious cycle because I always end up caring too much and getting hurt.  What I'm learning is to focus on the words just as much as the actions.   Guess we shall see how the next relationship ends up. *sigh*