“Friends, how many of us have them? Friends. Ones we can depend on….let’s be friends.” – Whodini
According to thefreedictionary.com, friend (n) is defined as: 1. a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate 2. an acquaintance or associate 3. an ally in a fight or cause; supporter 4. a fellow member of a party, society, etc. 5. a patron or supporter a friend of the opera. Regarded with liking? Affection? Intimate? *side eye* I’m too sure about this definition. With liking….I’ll take that. Affection…hugs, sure; kisses no! Intimacy….HELL NO!
I am a firm believer that friends don’t have sex. They just don’t. When thoughts and/or actions like that occur it changes the nature of the relationship. Not this is not to say I don’t think any of my male friends are attractive; I would be lying. Lawd knows I know some sexy, young, black, good men! But that’s where it stops with me. I can think he is handsome, but not think the other thoughts. A real friendship is based on trust, respect, mutual interest, etc. The feelings are plutonic. When sex is introduced to a friendship you run the risk of someone, mainly the female, becoming attached and ruining something that was beautiful from the first place. I have personally been there, done that…not a fan!
There is nothing like being able to talk to someone of the opposite sex about any and everything under the sun. Discuss dates, sports, politics, and family matters. I currently have one male best friend whom I love dearly. *Waves* We have NEVER crossed the line of becoming friends with benefits. Heck, I don’t think we have ever even discussed the matter. I believe we would never do that because of how important our friendship is to one another. I honestly couldn’t imagine not having him in my life; it would suck and I’m sure he feels the same. Over the years we have celebrated successes, encouraged each other during tribulations. He is the one male, besides family, I know would have my back. Why ruin that for a few moments of lust?
A male acquaintance informed me not too long ago that he wants to sleep with me, but keep our friendship. According to him, he is attracted to my quiet confidence, curves, humor…almost everything about me. He has said several times he just wants to try it out, like I am a tester bottle of cologne at a department store. Of course he says he enjoys talking to me, seeing me in the building, etc. At first I was flattered….who doesn’t want to be desired?? But that got me to thinking about our entire friendship from the beginning. Was his ulterior motive to get to know me because he was attracted to me sexually from the start? To see what he would have to do for a chance to get in my pants?
Something about that isn’t right. We are all visual creatures and I’m almost 100% sure he knew from the day we met he wanted to sleep with me. However, instead of being straight up about it he decided to play the “friend” game. Well I don’t need “friends” like that. I don’t provide ANY benefits unless I’m employing you to do a job.
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