Spring Cleaning

It's that time of year when most start cleaning out closets, storage units, etc as the weather starts heating up.  Last night I found myself spring cleaning.  I was looking for a work-related item and stumbled upon items from my past.  I found several hand written versions of my wedding guest list and reception venues. See, on Monday I should be celebrating one year of marriage....but I'm not. 

I never got to wear the Alfred Angelo cream dress with stunning beading, send out invitations to one of the biggest events in my life, dance with my husband, repeat vows in front of God and loved one.  Instead we postponed our wedding for a yet to be determined date.  Then we broke it off all together. 

I'm sure it sounds like I am bitter, but I'm not.  I will admit to being a little sad about the situation.  We had built a life together....joint accounts, nice townhome in the Bowie area, a child (really a pet dog named Storm who is like my child), etc. 

Although a lot of time has passed since we called it quits for good, seeing those items brought back old feelings of love, anger, failure.  For a brief second I wished things were different, better.  But the reality is things are what they are and I am finally at a place where I can say "I'm fine with that."  Our relationship has ran its course and our season is over.  While it hurt like hell in the beginning I'm a stronger person because of it. 

Some of the items I threw away and the others I packed neatly in a box.  I plan to put a lot of stuff in that box, mark it and store it away.  Not sure what I'm going to do with that stunning wedding dress.  Still haven't built up the nerve to take it out of my mother's house.  I know there is no need to hold on to it, but that dress is....breath-taking (especially with me in it, lol).  Maybe I'll just pack it away too.  When the time is right I'll know.

I'm ready for spring.  Not just because of the warmer weather, but because it is a sign of the changing seasons.  Spring is about new beginnings, warmth, family and fun.  I'm looking forward to all of that as the seasons change.  Hopefully when fall rolls around I'll be planting my roots in better soil. :-)

Ecc 3:1-9

Happy Spring!

**UPDATE**

The day has come and gone....I made it. It was VERY hard I must say.  I ended up sleeping most o the day. I did manage to get a workout in.  It still hurts.......

Trayvon Martin

Let me start by saying I'm a very compassionate person, especially when it comes to young black men and women.  As a black women and younger sister to two black men I understand the plight and stereotypes we face in America.  Black women are seen as angry and black men are aggressive and up to no good.  If you see me on a normal day, dressed in a sweatsuits and 5 finger shoes, I may look angry to some because I don't always sport a smile.  My brothers have always been victims of racial profiling; especially the one who lives in Alabama.  With that being said the case of Trayvon Martin HURTS me deep down in my soul.

From all accounts this young 17 year old black male was walking back to a family home minding his business.  He wanted some candy and a soda.  While walking, wearing a hooded sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers; he caught the eye of George Zimmerman.  Why he caught Zimmerman's eye we will never know.  According to 911 calls, Zimmerman felt Trayvon seemed suspicious, on drugs. Zimmerman is recorded telling the 911 dispatcher that Trayvon was "checking him out" and those "a$$holes always get away". What "a$$holes" was he referring too? Black men? Seventeen year olds? Guys wearing hooded sweatshirts? I really want to know!

We all know the rest of the story.  Zimmerman follows Trayvon despite being told NOT too by, essentially disobeying a lawful order and at some point parks his SUV, grabs a loaded hand gun, gets out of the car and finds Trayvon.  A fight ensues and Zimmerman shoots Trayvon in the chest, killing him.  A single shot.  Police come, he claims self defense and the police let him go.  That was almost a month ago and he has yet to be arrested.

This story troubles me for several reasons.  The first reason is very selfish.  I have an 11 year old nephew who could look suspicious to some.  He about 5'4 and weights 165 lbs.  Big boy, no doubt.  I'm sure if he was walking down the street he might have caught Zimmerman's eye.  Situations like this make me want to hug him closer, not let him out of my sight.  I'm not sure if I will let him walk to the basketball court by himself this weekend.  Or down to the corner store two blocks away.  I can't risk something, anything, happening to the my preteen.  He is like a son to me, has been since the day he was born. 

Another reason this story is so troubling is because of the way the shooter is being treated.  We all know Zimmerman shot Trayvon, he admits that.  But the police didn't do any drug testing, bring him in for questioning, take witness statements verbatim, etc.  It seems like they arrived, took his "self defense" excuse as scripture and let it go.  They didn't ask why did you still follow him after the dispatcher told you not too.  They didn't ask why he got out of his SUV.  They didn't ask why he got out of the SUV with his handgun. They didn't ask if he saw Trayvon commit a crime which is why he seemed suspicious.  They didn't ask ANYTHING!!!!! That's NOT right.  I really don't want to believe they treated him like that because of the color of his skin and the color of Trayvon's.  As a society we are pass that.........At least I thought.  What if during the scuffle Trayvon somehow got Zimmerman's gun and shot him.  Would he be sitting in jail?? I'm sure of it!

It's sad that we have to add Travyon Martin's name to the list of young black males killed for NO reason at all.  It is my hope that as a country we stand together to bring those who kill people in cold blood, regardless of race, to justice.  It shouldn't matter if the defendant is a police officer, regular citizen, Neighborhood Watch Captain, etc.  Justice is Justice.  Today I wear my hoodie, jeans and sneakers.  I just pray I don't catch the eye of someone like Zimmerman. 

RIP Trayvon Martin.

******************************UPDATE*******************************

So my 11 year old nephew is now afraid to walk outside.  I asked him if he wanted to walk to the store Sunday morning to get some milk and he responded "no thanks."  I asked him why and he explained that it was cold outside and all he had was a hoodie.  That broke my heart! Here he is, 11 years old and he doesn't want to go outside.  I live in a predominately white neighborhood.  My neighbors have seen my nephew before, he loves playing outside and can be very friendly.  To get to the store he would have to walk by/through another neighborhood and I think that is what has him scared. 

In related news, I now understand why is mom doesn't let him cross the street, walk to the playground, etc by himself.  For the longest I thought she was being over protective, but I realized she is just looking out for her son.  She doesn't want anything to happen to him while "walking home".  I didn't agree with her at first, but now I do.  There will be no more going outside or to the basketball court by himself.  He will have an adult with him at all times.  Can't let NOTHING happen to my baby.  He is my heart!  Part of the reason I breathe and work everyday.  Gotta grind to give him a future!

We Are Trayvon Martin

Heart to Heart.....FBCG Women's Retreat

This past week, Wednesday thru Friday, I attended the Sisters For Your Journey's Annual Women's Retreat held at the Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Resort and Spa in Cambridge, MD.  Sisters for Your Journey is a group of First Ladies from various churches along the east coast who come together to celebrate sisterhood and Christ.  My home church, First Baptist Church of Glenarden, is a major sponsor of the event. 

I've wanted to attend this retreat for the last few years, as I have been told by other female church members it is an AWESOME experience.  This year I had the money and the time to attend, so I did.  The theme for this year's retreat was Heart to Heart.  Sessions focused on having a heart for God, you, your marriage, child, etc.  Guests included Dr. Lois Evans, the first president of the Global Pastors' Wives Network; Rev. Dr. Debora C. Hooper; Recording Artist Maurette Brown Clark; BET's Sunday Best winner Y’Anna Crawley and others.

On Wednesday night Dr. Evans spoke on having a heart for God.  She asked the question, "Are You A Martha or A Mary?" using Luke 10:38-42 as her foundation.  In the scripture Martha is worried about making sure everything is in order after Jesus and the disciples stop by unannounced.*  Mary, on the other hand is worried about nothing more than worshipping Jesus.  Dr. Evans wanted us to understand the importance of worshipping Jesus even when we are busy.  She wanted us to know the importance of having fellowship with Him daily.  She told the story of her 82 year-old mother who to this day keeps her "appointment" with Jesus every morning.  It doesn't matter what's going on around her, she still makes the time to fellowship with Jesus daily.  Honestly, I am a Martha, but I'm striving to be like Mary.

There were a number of morning sessions offered on Thursday.  I chose to attend a session on "The Battlefield of the Mind" and "Going through the Seasons of Life".  The session on the mind basically took some of the point from the bestselling book "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer.  We reviewed some scripture about why the mind is so important on our Christian walk.  The speaker, whose name I can't recall, made a profound statement.  She said the battle is between the Lord and Satan, we are just the middle man.  All we need to do is stay out of it.  When thoughts come, hold them captive....cast them down.  Hide God's word in our heart.  All stuff I knew, but it was nice to hear it again.  The "Going through the Seasons of Life" was very boring.  I believe because the presenter focused on her current season of going from 48 to 49.  She didn't provide much scripture besides Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 which says there is a season for everything.  I decided I will be reading the Battlefield of the Mind in the coming weeks.  Mr. CT said he would read it with me as well *insert school girl giggle*

Thursday night was fun! First we were treated to the wonder voice of Y'Anna Crawley!  She sang several songs from her album and told her story.  She has a voice from the heavens.  She sounds better in person!  She tore the house down and I was singing every song.  Then we were treated to the teachings of Rev. Dr. Hooper from New York.  This woman was AWESOME!!!! She told it like it WAS!  Following the theme of heart to heart, she opened her sermon with detailing the symptoms about heart attacks and how they are caused.  As I was sitting to my sit I was wondering where she was going.  Then she used Genesis 21:8-21 as the scripture reading, focusing on verse 17 when God asked Hagar what was ailing her.  She started asking us what was ailing us.  She wanted to get to the heart of the matter.  She was rattling off questions about the past that many women have been through and the crowd was on its feet.  She wanted to know if we were mad because we allowed a married man to take us home, "bump us real good" and then leave us? Or if we were mad that we were 50 and still single? Or if we were mad that she was preaching and we were not? She had women in tears....including me!  She ended with verse 19 where God provided a well of water for Hagar and her son.  She wanted to remind us of God's provision even when we are mad at God!!!! *Insert praise shout* After the sermon there were a list of activities (line dancing, game night and a movie) we could choose from.  Of course I chose line dancing! Yes, the First Ladies, pastors, choir members, etc were in a room doing the Wobble, Cupid Shuffle, etc.  It was a blast!!!!!

Friday concluded with two break-out sessions, one for singles and another for those who are married.  It was funny to see the married women trying to sneak into the single's session because Dr. Hooper was leading our session.  She was THAT good the night before.   Dr. Hooper wanted us to know the happiness in our singlehood and 15 tips to Christian dating.  She gave us two catchy phrases...."You date to get data!" and "Keep it on lock until you get the rock!" Lol!  Here are all 15 tips.

1. You date to get data! (Important information)
2. Date someone who accepts you as you are! If not looking at other women now, he will be looking later.
3. Your body, home, and money requires another level of commitment. "Keep it on lock, until you get the rock!"
4. Keep your relationship spiritual. Be involved w/ a Christian man.
5. Know your deal breakers upfront
6. A man after God's heart, will be a man after your heart bc you serve God.
7. Don't hold on to relationships that are over, let go!
8. Pregnancy links you to the drama of another adult for the rest of your life.
9. The first stage of dating is friendship. If you skip that step you have nowhere else to go.
10. Acting like a spouse before time only turns you off when its time.
11. Don't fall in love...walk into it with your eyes wide open.
12. Say you are waiting for God to bring your mate.....put that power in your hand.
13. Christians don't date too long...it's too complex.....if you are doing it the Christian way. God will let you know if he is right sooner than later.
14. If a relationship is stressful.....LEAVE! Sickness/obesity can stem from a stressful relationship.
15. Anybody you have to hide is more reason why you don't need to be with him.

All in all I had a great time!  It was good to be around so many strong women of God.  Best of all I got to room with on mf my GLE sisters DaKia.  I had no idea she was that random.  We did Zumba together, talked about what we learned and just had a great time.  I am looking forward to attending next year :-) God bless!