I have a confession……I have a body image/weight issue. According to Pook, I’m actually OCD about it. You know what, I agree.
According to the National Institute of Health, OCD is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions). Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive thoughts, but this only provides temporary relief. Not performing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety.Yea, that’s me when it comes to losing weight and working out. I really do think about weight loss and working out at least 10-15 times a day. From the time I wake up in the morning to the time I fall asleep at night I worry about gaining more weight.
When I work out, about 5-6 times a week, I go HARD! Just the other Saturday I spent a total of 3.5 hours in the gym, burning close to 2000 calories! Like who does that….well besides me.
So on Wednesday when I was talking to my Pook, I informed him that for once I didn’t go spend 2 hours in the gym. I wanted him to think I took the “day off” on my own. Pook, being able to see right through me, stated that I probably sat home and sulked.
He was right. I was upset over something so I did what I do best when I am emotional…..I ate….and ate….and ate. Then I got mad at myself for eating so much that I didn’t want to be seen. I actually didn’t want to be around anyone….I was deciding if I wanted to take a one-way trip to Ebonyville :-/
Being and emotional eater and OCD about gaining weight sucks!!! I mean they are counter-productive to each other. I really want to be fit and small and pretty and all of that stuff (obsessive). So I work-out and work-out some more (compulsive).
Then life happens, something I cannot control. so I run to my old trusty friend……food! I indulge myself in all the yummy things I try to swear off every other day. I grab the french fries, cookies, cakes, chips, breads, etc and I stuff myself. I mean I really stuff myself. I’ll eat and not even be hungry. But because something I cannot control is bothering me, I pick up what I can control…..Food.
I’m learning that I can’t even control that because I am eating due to my emotions. My emotions and food are actually controlling me!! That sucks because I am a low-key control freak. This lack of control is ruining my health because I can’t stay at a healthy weight and them I have anxiety attacks about it.
I’ve taken the last few days to research ways to combat emotional eating and in turn the OCD, in an effort to design a plan. I have to get this monkey off my back.
Here’s what I have…..
1. Pray!!! I have to remember my faith and lean on some Core Scriptures (thanks J. Tate!)
2. Learn my Triggers….Am I eating because I am bored, worried, angry, etc. I’m quick to grab something when I feel off balance.
3. Make Better Food Selections….I’ve been on this weight loss journey for years…I know that eating a cup of mangos are a lot better than eating a bag of chips…even if they are baked.
4. Work-Out…If I can make it to the gym then I need to go. I use to keep a gymbag in my car in case I got “emotional” at work. I would just hit the gym on my lunch break and feel better. For whatever reason I got out of that habit.
5. Stop Beating Myself Up if I Slip…yes, while tearing up some cookies I will call myself all types of nasty names and then cry when I am finished. I also figured since I already messed up, I might as well continue.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
Yes, you do have a bit of a weight/body image issue, but I don't think it's something that a new perspective wouldn't help. You are beautiful as you are now & likewise, you were beautiful before too! For whatever reasons, you took-on the position that you weren't & that seems to have much to do with your current self-image.
ReplyDeleteAlso, take a quick look at those around you... you'll see that you're hardly alone in the struggle, so there's no need to stress about it. We live in a country ravaged by childhood obesity coupled with poor eating & exercise habits among adults. Where I think you differ from many Americans is the simple fact that you care.
I think most who struggle with weight in the U.S. have grown quite comfortable living within their skin. While ignoring the issue certainly isn't the healthiest approach it does appear to be a happier 1, perhaps there's some middle-ground to be found here.
If you're not already doing so, you might find it helpful to strive for fitness, rather than thinness. Getting to some ideal size or weight, set by you OR society, seems rather superficial if physical fitness is the goal. But if the desire is to make your body look more like someone else you idolize, well... that's a different issue.
As for your list... focus on #s 2 & 5, you seem to be handling 1, 3 & 4 quite well!
There is a reason you are who you are too me. Thank you so much for the kind words, I really did smile.
DeleteYes, it seems that folks are cool in their own skin. It seems they are happier. I am certainly trying to find the middle ground....as hard as it might be.
I think I will cahnge my focus to fitness. I want to be stronger and healthier....especially considering the health problems I face, lol. Plus I need to beat you in the next 5k :-)
Lol, yea I have 1.3 & 4 on lock!!! Speaking of which, I have given myself one light gym day :-) 2 & 5 are harder to tackle, but as long as I try.......right???
<3