Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection. It’s the end of another year and I like to look back to see where I am made some gains and what areas I am not.
Besides coming to terms with my OCD/emotional eating issue, I realized I also have a trust issue. In my previous blog I mention that I really don’t trust anyone enough to be my other gun…I really don’t. Honestly, even if I can see you I don’t trust you.
Trust is defined as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed.” Yea, I can’t say with full confidence that I feel that way about anyone besides God……and that took me a long time to build.
Perhaps it’s because I don’t trust myself…..or because of the things I’ve been through…..or because of the things I’ve done. In any event, I’m suspicious of EVERYONE.
When I meet someone, I have no trust/expectation of them besides to do what is best for him/her. Period. They owe me nothing, so I don’t get my hopes up….or at least I try not to.
The thing about not trusting is I can’t have a healthy relationship without it. Yes, someone can earn my trust, but it will never be 100%, or even 90%. Now, while I do have trust issues I am not one to act on it. I’m not going through phones; conducting steak-outs; checking IG, Twitter and FB accounts. That’s not my style because I don’t want anyone to do that too me. Whatever wrong he/she is doing will come to the light.
A friend of mine asked me how someone can earn my trust if I side eye almost everything they do or say….that’s a good question that I have not figured out the answer too. Right now, I guess they can’t.
One of my goals next year will be to start trusting myself and others. Learn to listen to my gut because it is the Holy Spirit talking to me. Trusting others so I don’t always feel like I am alone.
What are your thoughts on trust? Does someone have to work to earn it or work to lose it?
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