I've had a rough few weeks. I've really been on a roller coaster. There is no other way to put it.
In the past few weeks I've experienced every emotion a person can have. From depression to black out rage. From like to hate. From guilt to shame. From relief to happiness. From extremely tired to hyper active.
My workouts have not been as intense. I've skipped meals. I've popped pills to get to bed or not slept at all. I've purchased items I really didn't want or need. I go straight to bed, regardless of the time of day.
These feelings and behaviors means that I have internalized everything that has been going on in my life (stress) and I am starting to make my way to Ebonyville beause I need a break.
Ebonyville was founded over 22 years ago. It's a place where I can escape my reality. A place where I can find some peace. A place I know I am protected because I don't allow ANYONE in.
N.O.O.N.E!
There is no police/fire department. I handle those issues.
There is no electric/gas company. I'm responsible for finding light.
There are no grocery stores. I hunt my own food, if I feel like eating. Most times I don't.
I'm learning that Ebonyville may not be a good place because I really withdraw from society and cut off "real" communication with the outside world. My phone is on silent and I'm not checking to see if I missed anything. I don't log in to social media accounts, so there is no cyber footprint.
I have good reason for going to Ebonyville....I'm horrible at trusting people. It seems I always trust the wrong people. Almost everyone I have trusted with my most intimate, sometimes disturbing thoughts/issues/fears has betrayed me. Without fail!
If I'm constantly betrayed, why leave the place where I know I am safe? That's why Ebonyville exists...to keep me safe from those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt me.
One of my acquaintances said Ebonyville was "scary". I guess it can be from the outside looking in.
Ebonyville is a scary place. I don't like being in solitude, but I hate being betrayed as well.
I want to get to Sesame Street, but I can't seem to leave Ebonyville.
What to do????
In the past few weeks I've experienced every emotion a person can have. From depression to black out rage. From like to hate. From guilt to shame. From relief to happiness. From extremely tired to hyper active.
My workouts have not been as intense. I've skipped meals. I've popped pills to get to bed or not slept at all. I've purchased items I really didn't want or need. I go straight to bed, regardless of the time of day.
These feelings and behaviors means that I have internalized everything that has been going on in my life (stress) and I am starting to make my way to Ebonyville beause I need a break.
Ebonyville was founded over 22 years ago. It's a place where I can escape my reality. A place where I can find some peace. A place I know I am protected because I don't allow ANYONE in.
N.O.O.N.E!
There is no police/fire department. I handle those issues.
There is no electric/gas company. I'm responsible for finding light.
There are no grocery stores. I hunt my own food, if I feel like eating. Most times I don't.
I'm learning that Ebonyville may not be a good place because I really withdraw from society and cut off "real" communication with the outside world. My phone is on silent and I'm not checking to see if I missed anything. I don't log in to social media accounts, so there is no cyber footprint.
I have good reason for going to Ebonyville....I'm horrible at trusting people. It seems I always trust the wrong people. Almost everyone I have trusted with my most intimate, sometimes disturbing thoughts/issues/fears has betrayed me. Without fail!
If I'm constantly betrayed, why leave the place where I know I am safe? That's why Ebonyville exists...to keep me safe from those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt me.
One of my acquaintances said Ebonyville was "scary". I guess it can be from the outside looking in.
Ebonyville is a scary place. I don't like being in solitude, but I hate being betrayed as well.
I want to get to Sesame Street, but I can't seem to leave Ebonyville.
What to do????
you need to take Ebonyville out of your GPS completely. it is unsafe and no one can find you once you go there...unless you are CHOOSING not to be found. and again...I know that is not true either. so...the choice is yours...
ReplyDelete*singing Black Sheep's the choice is yours*